Before You Blame God...
Just because God allows something doesn’t mean He initiated it. Blaming God for what He never did, or praising Him for what He never touched—both are rooted in forgetting who He really is.
Growing up, I thought about my future children quite a bit.
I remember thinking—even as a child—“I hope my children believe in God.”
I wanted them to know He existed. That He was real. That He wasn’t just a fictitious character from a movie.
In 2018, I became a mother for the first time.
Surprisingly, that particular concern didn’t arise in those early days with my newborn.
Instead, I found myself praying something else—something deeper:
“Lord, may my son and my future children know that You are GOOD.
Not just that You exist.
Not just that You are the Creator of the Universe.
Not just that You are in control over all and in all.
Lord, may they taste and see that YOU ARE GOOD.”
I’ve come to believe that much of the bait Satan offers humans stems from a single, planted lie: that God isn’t good.
And when someone doesn’t know how good God truly is…
– they’re more likely to give Him credit for things He never did,
-more prone to confusion about His character,
-more susceptible to living with a mistaken identity.
When we forget the nature of God—His goodness being a core part of who He is—we can start blaming Him for things that are completely outside His will and nature.
Beloved, yes, He allows things. But just because He allows something doesn’t mean He initiated it.
Every good and perfect gift comes from above.
(James 1:17)
Here’s the truth:
The Lord is GOOD.
And…
We live in a fallen world—actively oppressed by demonic forces,
Governed by spiritual laws that, when broken, have real consequences,
And we dwell in a flesh that must be crucified daily through the power of the Holy Spirit.
So before you blame the Lord for the thing you're battling right now—what I’m about to say may be hard, but I pray it’s also helpful:
That thing you’re facing could very well stem from any number of the factors above—none of which are connected to God’s perfect will or plan for you.
How can you tell the difference?
Therein lies the mystery.
But may this be the foundation for whatever conclusion you land on:
“God is good.
And His plans for you are always… good.”
Psalm 139:17–18
“How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.”
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.”
I don’t know why He allows certain things to happen.
You hear me?
I. Don’t. Know. Why!
But two questions I’ve started asking the Holy Spirit more often are:
– What do You want me to know?
– What do You want me to do?
I still have my “why” moments. But when I ask those two questions, I more often sense the Holy Spirit whisper back in response. Disclaimer…this isn’t a formula—just my experience. (I don’t believe my finite mind can comprehend the infinite reasons behind the things God allows.)
If you’re open to it, trying asking the Holy Spirit this week those two questions regarding that “thing” you’re dealing with and then taking the time to pause, listen etc.
Now, just like someone might wrongly blame the Lord for something, others might wrongly praise Him for things He never touched.
Watch any award show. (I’m not trying to draw an “us vs. them” line here—just making an observation.) You’ll often hear someone stand on stage and thank God for helping them produce a piece of work that was riddled with wickedness or perversity.
God has no part in wickedness. Yet His mercy still abounds.
Maybe a more fitting sentiment would be thanking Him for His mercy despite ourselves.
But I digress.
When we don’t view the Lord’s work—and His Word—through the lens of the objective truth that He is Good, we can end up drawing conclusions that either wrongly blame Him or falsely praise Him.
Both are forms of deception.
And that’s just the first two bullet points.
I’ll share more soon about how not believing in God’s goodness leads to a mistaken identity.
But for now… I need to go to sleep.
Let me know your thoughts on this one. And don’t forget to read His Word through the lens that He is good and HIs plans specifically for YOU,
yes FOR YOU,
—Beloved, you may squirm but hear me—
His plans for YOU are always GOOD.
Pondered Thought
Not Every Battle Is Spiritual Warfare- But Every Seed Matters
What a 14-week marriage intensive taught us about small seeds, spiritual weeds, and intentional growth.
My husband and I recently wrapped up a 14-week marriage intensive through our church. This was our second time going through the Re|Engage program — the first time as participants, and this time as facilitators for five other couples.
The program was no small commitment.
Each week required:
✅ Homework
✅ Action steps
✅ Deep discussions with each other
✅ Group conversations with other couples
And yet — I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. In fact, we both casually agreed that we should make this a rhythm every three years. That’s how enriching it has been for our marriage.
I remember during week two, sitting on the couch after our five kiddos were finally asleep, completely exhausted. That week’s topic was communication. One of the questions we had to discuss led to a one-hour conversation about a seemingly small situation from weeks earlier — but one of us was still carrying the weight of it. That conversation opened my ears to truly hear my husband’s perspective. By the end, we had a resolution and, more importantly, reconciliation.
Why do I share this?
Because not every struggle in marriage (or in life) is the result of Satan’s attacks.
Sometimes, it’s the small seeds of discord life naturally brings — seeds that, if left alone can grow into pervasive weeds months or years down the line.
Other times, it is the enemy — planting seeds that lie dormant until life presents the right conditions to let them thrive: postpartum, job loss, menopause, transition into empty nesting etc.
The Re|Engage lessons helped my husband and me invite Scripture to search our hearts and shine a light on parts of our marriage that date nights and stolen alone time simply weren’t reaching. We had conversations we never would’ve chosen to have — especially with five little ones running around. But those hard moments brought healing, clarity, and growth.
This isn’t a plug for Re|Engage (although it’s a great program).
It’s a call — whether single or married — to build spiritual disciplines that serve as preventative guardrails for your spiritual, emotional, and relational health.
Fruit doesn’t just happen.
It takes:
🌱 Fertile soil
💧 Water
✂️ Pruning
Yes, the Lord bears the Fruit — but we have a role.
We are called to recognize the weeds by way of the Holy Spirit and respond.
We are called to feast daily on His Manna.
We are called to abide in His presence and to learn His voice.
We are called, through the Spirit, to choose the things that nourish the soul over the things that only entertain the flesh.
In short, I’m thankful for a spouse who’s willing to do the work TOGETHER.
What about you?
What’s one area where the Lord has shown you how to sow for life rather than decay?
Til next time,
Pondered Thought 💭
Paper Plates and Purpose: Cultivating a Family Culture Where God Feels Familiar
What I didn't know then, and am just now beginning to understand now, is that my elders spoke of a family culture- one filled with standards, traditions, boundaries, and customs. Fast forward to now living in my 30s, married with 5 young kiddos. For a few years, I felt the Holy Spirit impress on me to consider carefully the culture my husband and I were cultivating within our home.
I didn't really care for children’s books growing up.
I didn't experience the joy of reading compelling stories until I was in middle school. However, what I found myself drawn to were the stories I stepped into by happenstance during the holidays.
My aunts, uncles, parents, grandmothers would tell of a past that I enjoyed imagining as I sat on a couch observing with great anticipation to hear which cousin threatened to hurt who. Papa was spied on by the FBI when? Daddy took her to homecoming ? I beckoned at the chance to relive a time filled with such suspense and thrill, though the throes of Jim Crow would hardly be characterized as a time worth reliving.
One thing I garnered from listening to my family’s past were the often-said statements prefaced with the words,
"Papa would always...Mama didn't allow us to...Big Daddy made it a point to...Auntie never let us walk out the house with..."
There were these unknown figures, at least to me, who created such an indelible mark on my elders that long into their old age they still recalled what their elders instilled in them and what they would later try to pass down.
What I didn't know then, and am just now beginning to understand now, is that my elders spoke of a family culture- one filled with standards, traditions, boundaries, and customs.
Fast forward to now, living in my 30s and married with 5 young kiddos.
For a few years, I felt the Holy Spirit impress on me to consider carefully the culture my husband and I were cultivating within our home.
When we didn't have children, my husband and I could binge-watch multiple series on Netflix.
Popcorn and ice cream could suffice for a few dinners.
Carelessly spending here or there could go without much consequence.
And our visions/goals were important but didn't feel quite vital.
When our firstborn arrived, we felt the following verse deeply, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12)." Some things needed to change.
Why culture?
Culture is a powerful tool.
It can imprint habits within the soul of an individual and thereby mold certain thinking. It has the power to apprehend young maturing souls to establish rhythms and patterns with ease when it is steadily threaded into one's fabric to "just do so."
It's what makes the 80-year-old man take off his shoes when entering anybody's house despite hearing polite pleasantries to not.
It's what commands the mama to cook a pot of black-eyed peas every Jan. 1st, without fail.
It's what obliges the father to watch every single football game of his favorite team, less to do with discipline than nostalgia.
The questions my husband and I needed to ask ourselves were, "What are we trying to imprint and what sort of thinking are we attempting to mold within the minds of our children through the daily rhythyms of our home?"
Like I said, fast forward. My husband and I now have five young children. Life has come at us with lightning speed. Over the years, my husband and I have read the books, made the charts, written down the goals, and at the end of the day, we conclude that we just want our children-and one another- to know the Lord, be known by Him, and be obsessed with His Presence.
So…
whenever I sometimes begrudgingly but determinedly pull out the table cloth for my kids to place their paper plates around our secondhand round table, I do so with the purpose of creating a moment. In time, multiple moments to capture a memory. Memories to thread a story. A story that points to a remembrance of a hoped for future utterance which states, “When we were growing up, we ate together.”
It's the same when I pull out the muffin tins, or bake the sourdough, or stay up late on a Saturday evening prepping for Sunday morning church, or budget for date nights, or say "no" to the multitude of evening extracurriculars to protect our family time.
I desire for my children to recall a childhood filled with inviting smells, good food, healthy rhythms, and moments of pause.
But why do I take such efforts to vie for these things, specifically?
Speaking transparently, I have a bigger purpose than just a home that smells nice and occupies children with full bellies.
As the culture says, I have an agenda haha.
I do these things so that when my children taste and see that the Lord is good, it tastes somewhat familiar.
When they experience sweet intimacy with the Lord, they recall seeing it first between their parents.
When they smell the aroma of Christ, it's recognizable from taking in its whiff from those intentionally placed into their lives.
When they encounter the overwhelming love of God, they harken back to the remembrance of their Mama's embrace.
When they experience the merciful pruning from their Saviour, they don't shudder in shame but naturally welcome its refining due to years of doing so under the care of their earthly father.
And when they feel it's time to be still in His Presence, they've practiced the art in their day-to-day.
Yes, culture is a powerful tool.
My prayer is that my children look back on the years residing in my and my husband's home and can honestly say, "My parents attempted to bring God's Kingdom culture within our home in the midst of the daily."
What culture are you creating within your home and why?
Sacred Shifts: When Subtle Holy Spirit Disruptions Stretch Beyond Comfort
I planned on mopping, prepping homeschool stuff, and folding some laundry. The first day back from a weekend like this, alone with the kids, is HARD. I don’t want to be rushing in the morning and feeling overwhelmed.
We would get to church, often late. Me and my three siblings alongside my mama.
Daddy went to church earlier than us because he was a deacon. The deacons sat up front. We sat in the back. I didn’t say it then, but I missed seeing Daddy by Mama’s side.
By the time we’d settle into our seats, praise and worship would still be occurring.
Loud music. Hands raised. Varying ranges bellowing from persons around. I loved observing everyone, including the man on the left who would often wave his hands like he was dancing—his jerry curl swaying side to side, completely lost in worship. I wanted to be like him…Free.
I’d sing the words on the screen, often looking forward to when we could sit down again.
But sometimes, every so often, my favorite part of church would occur.
It didn’t happen often.
Maybe a few times a year.
The moment when something would sweep across the room with an immersive yet gentle wave.
The moment when hearts would grow still and time wouldn’t take precedence.
Even as I child I felt “it” and craved for “it” to happen.
The moment when the Holy Spirit would manifest His Presence and the atmosphere would suddenly shift.
And when it did, the sermon wouldn’t move forward as planned. The worship wouldn’t end as scheduled. Instead, the echoing cries of the audience would continue in praise. Some persons, full of joy, would break out in bodily movements I hadn’t seen before. And the musicians would carry on without a particular song in cue.
There’d be a flow.
A sort of dance that I could feel before seeing.
A disruption that I’d secretly pray to never end.
I’d see our pastor walk on stage but somehow be arrested from talking. I’d see him teeter-totter the line between ending the moment or letting it be.
Oh, how’d I pray he’d just let it be. Sometimes he would and, to my joy, “time” would carry on and there’d be no sermon that day.
Sometimes the pastor wouldn’t and, to my disappointment, I’d be left longing for the next time when I could experience the disruption of the Spirit again.
Unfortunately, the times were few and far between.
But I never forgot the feeling I’d get in between times.
It was one of freedom.
I got older.
I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence more often—rather, I learned to acknowledge Him through a greater sense of awareness.
In college, the Holy Spirit became my best friend. I felt when He was grieved. I felt when He was pleased. I needed Him for revelation while reading the Word. I ran to Him for comfort whenever life broke me. His leading, His promptings, His comfort, His conviction, and His disruptions became a part of our dance.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I came home after a long day of celebrating both Memorial Day and our eldest daughter’s 4th birthday with family.
My husband and I have four children with our fifth child due to arrive in a few weeks. To say “life is full” is a vast understatement.
After being out for most of the day- a day filled with hotdogs, water slides, sun-kisssed faces, vibrant conversations, and zapped energy—my husband and I came home and began preparing for the upcoming week. We both did bedtime routines. I began cleaning the downstairs. My husband began taking out the trash. I wiped down the counters. He placed the dishes into the dishwasher. You know, our typical dance.
I was about to pull out the mop when I felt a nudge. A quiet disruption. A prompting.
“Ev,” I said with a sigh, motioning to get my husband’s attention.
“Yeah?” he responded while pulling down his wireless headphones to hear me.
“I feel like the Holy Spirit wants me to stop for the night and just go upstairs. But…I planned on mopping, prepping homeschool stuff, and folding some laundry. The first day back from a weekend like this, alone with the kids, is HARD. I don’t want to be rushing in the morning and feeling overwhelmed. What should I do?”
“Sounds like obeying is going to be an act of faith,” he said while moving on to his next task. It had been a long day for us both. Weariness dripped in his every uttered word.
My husband went upstairs to prep for his week at work.
I sat, thought about it, placed the mop back on the hook, and followed suit. I knew what the Holy Spirit was beckoning me to do.
I read the Word, journaled, and blogged some—all acts of faith.
Although it wasn’t hard to simply obey the Lord’s prompting, I felt quite annoyed. I felt that I desperately needed to finish all my tasks in order to evade stress. I felt that Martha had a point about Mary. There was work to be done. It wouldn’t get done by itself.
The older I get, the more I find myself fighting and disliking disruption. When I was a child, I looked forward to any level of disruption.
Excitement for the unknown ignited wander.
Now, the unknown often ignites caution, worry, or fear.
My illusion of predictability elicits security. This false sense of security can often become grounds for false worship—in my case, doing whatever possible to maintain some form of constancy.
But for anyone who has followed the Lord for longer than one second, the Lord’s character is consistent but He tends to form varying paths for His children to take in order to teach His children to NOT rely on what they can see or predict, but on WHO is walking hand in hand with them and leading the way.
Oh, what dependence this requires.
The Holy Spirit is reminding me again to reflect on the childlike excitement I once had when He would disrupt regularly scheduled programs for His agenda and for His glory. Don’t get me wrong. The regularly scheduled program can be for His agenda for HIs glory, but it needs to be closely tethered to HIM for one to know when to insert the necessary pivots (and not checkmarks to glory in something being “done” or accomplished according to man’s plans.)
Funny enough, my sister surprised me the next day by coming over my home unexpectedly. She helped me with homeschool lessons, leaving me enough time to finish other chores. It ended up being the smoothest day I’d experienced in a very long time.
Pondered Thought: In what area of your life, big or small, is the Lord disrupting things and guiding you to allow Him to change course? Are your hands open or closed to this? If closed, reflect and ask yourself ‘why?’
Inspired Passage of Scripture:
Acts 16: 6-10
6 Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. 7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. 8 So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. 9 During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” 10 After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.
When God’s “favor” isn’t found in the result… but in the process. May you have eyes to see and be thankful
Honestly, most of the lists, goals, plans that my husband and I have made year after year have not come to fruition.
My youthful thinking always viewed the “favor” of God in the tangibles: a parking spot, entry into a party without waiting, unexpected extra credit on a test.
You might laugh. I still do.
My less youthful thinking transitioned into viewing favor in terms of even more “important” tangibles: a new job, a new house, health, and bills paid.
My recent experience and reading of God's Word are challenging my viewpoint on favor.
I'd argue that the more arduous the process, the more refining of His fire, the more one is forced to "wait on the Lord,” and the more tests and trials…… the richer the taste of His favor appears in hindsight.
What if you’ve been waiting for a certain result…thinking the Lord has forsaken you or is teasing you…when in actuality, He’s allowing His favor to pour out upon you abundantly through a process that He’s carefully curating for your spiritual walk so that you know Him, abide in Him, depend on Him, rest in Him, love Him, and conform to the image of His Son Jesus Christ.
What if you've been frantically looking for a certain result-entirely missing the beauty of your current process?
Story Time.
My husband and I have five precious children.
6-9 months after the birth of each of my children, without fail, I often receive a huge burst of ambition.
It's a bit difficult to explain but as best as I can put it, I feel the need to go out and conquer the world.
Maybe not "the" world, but certainly the parts of it that involve me.
For instance, during this time period, I get different ideas on how to redecorate the house. I want to immediately implement new systems into the home. I want to start a business or two as side hustles. I suddenly want to gain new skills as a homemaker. I want to get busy and "succeed."
After the birth of our secondborn, this ambition sprung forth with fierce energy and focus.
I took on a side hustle with gladness. I made plans to start a virtual nutritional coaching business.
I looked into getting a type of certification. My husband and I made our annual vision plan at the top of the year with our lists, goals, and plans, and believed the Lord was going to come through in a pretty significant way.
Within the span of a month, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to stop my side hustle completely. He gave me a dream and told me to focus my attention on praying that He would bless my husband's business and pray that all of our tangible desires/needs would come through his business. The Holy Spirit told me to pause on the nutritional coaching.
Within a month, I was pregnant with our third. After our third was born, the same "go forth and conquer" ambition arose, and just as quickly, I got pregnant with our fourth.
Why do I share this?
Honestly, most of the lists, goals, and plans that my husband and I have made year after year have not come to fruition.
My nature is to think that all limitations are self-imposed. That there are no problems, only solutions. That if you want to get something done, you must go out and figure it out. That formulas are the only solutions to bearing fruit.
But God, in His love, has shown me a different way. Because He loves me so much, the formulas that typically might make another person "successful"-albeit the self-help books, podcasts, "how to" blog posts-will not amount to anything in my life, by His divine hindrance, if it’s a part from Him and His divine timing. It simply won't bear eternal fruit.
In other words, the Lord won't allow me to build my own tower of babel, even if others are able to build one, revel in it, and falsely give God "glory" for it.
(Disclaimer: I'm not against formulas. I believe the Holy Spirit can lead one to follow ones in certain areas of life by His leading. But even in that, may your dependence be on the Holy Spirit and not in the formula. The Holy Spirit can make any formula bear eternal fruit if you're going by His leading. Fruit points to the glory of God. Formulas and outputs ALONE point to the glory of man.)
The Lord is creating a process for me that REQUIRES me to rely wholeheartedly on Him. A process that forces me to run into His presence for sustenance. A process where I utter, without pause, “Lord you’re my only solution. Give me Your wisdom.” It’s a process that I'm just now fully embracing.
So why do I mention this whole thing about favor being found in the processes and not only the result?
Did you know that before Moses delivered the Israelites from the hand of Pharaoh after 450 years of slavery, Moses was an obscure shepherd for 40 years?
Before David became King over Israel and Judah, he was a nomad for years--running for his life from King Saul. Although anointed king in his teenage years, David didn’t become king over both of these regions until another 10+ years
Before Joseph became vice-regent to Pharaoh, he was sold into slavery, falsely accused of rape, and jailed again. Overall, he went through 13 years of waiting before the promise of God was fulfilled in His life.
If you ONLY saw Moses standing up to Pharaoh with boldness and power, if you ONLY saw this young King David ruling Israel and Judah and winning different battles left and right, if you ONly saw Joseph in a highly-esteemed position and handling the grain for all of Israel and surrounding areas during a famine…
it would be EASY to THEN and only then say that these men were highly favored.
But let me submit this to you.
They were highly favored before the results were evident to man's eye. The Lord, in His abundant love, ALLOWED for them to go through a "process" that prepared them to be used for His Glory. He broke them. He humbled them. He allowed them to walk through many valleys.
Keep your chin up, beloved. To grow in the favor of God and man, seek God. Surrender to Him. Humble yourself. And accept the process He so chooses to take you through.
Don't rush it. Don't doubt it. Worship Him through it. And thank Him for it in the midst of it.
Lastly, remember that He IS the ULTIMATE reward. Not the result you so desire.
The RESULT is not the ultimate reward.
Let me pause for those in the back.
THAT specific result in your head, which may or may not come in the form that you're imagining, is not the ULTIMATE REWARD.
I used to think (and still do, depending on the day) that if I could just get to this point in life, receive this amount of money, go on this vacation, be able to sleep for 8+ hours uninterrupted, never have to cook another meal by choice...then I could rest and feel His favor upon my life.
As of recently, honey, I wake up feeling the luxuries of having my name written in the Book of Life and being in communion with the Creator of the entire universe.
Be careful to not idolize whatever "result" you so desire. May your primary heart's desire simply be...Him, His Will, and His ways. Often the results come in due time-but in Christ's love, AND when you wait on His timing, the results will come in a season when they are no longer your heart's ULTIMATE desire.
In short, embrace the process beloved. When the process is from God, it will draw you into deeper intimacy with Him. And before you know it, you’ll prize that intimacy more than anything else.
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Do the Last Thing God Told You to Do.
Don’t be tempted to become enslaved to the title you’ve arrested yourself under and thereby become a faithful servant to that “title” instead of the Lord.
My current bible study group is studying the book of John, and because of it, I’ve been meditating on certain passages of scripture these past few weeks.
When reading the Word one Sunday morning, amidst a baby crying, a toddler wanting my attention, and my thirst reminding this breastfeeding mama to drink more water, the Lord gave me something to chew on when reflecting on these few verses.
Take a quick read:
19 Now this was John’s testimony when the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. 20 He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, “I am not the Messiah.”
21 They asked him, “Then who are you? Are you Elijah?”
He said, “I am not.”
“Are you the Prophet?”
He answered, “No.”
22 Finally they said, “Who are you? Give us an answer to take back to those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?”
23 John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”
Context first. This passage comes about during a time when John the Baptist was calling people to repentance before the beginning of Jesus’ ministry.
John the Baptist was drawing crowds of people, baptizing them, calling religious leaders and those in authority out on their sins. He appeared to be something real special.
Seeing these crowds, the Levites and the priests asked John the Baptist, in short, are you the Messiah, the Prophet, or Elijah?
John the Baptist denied being any of these titles, but note John the Baptist’s response at the end of their litany of questions.
John the Baptist says, “I am the voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”
John the Baptist may not have given a clean title for what “he was.” But he held pristine clarity regarding what he was supposed to be DOING.
Y’all.
Pause right there.
The priests and the Levites were searching for a title from John the Baptist. Instead of gifting them a prepared label, John the Baptist shares what he was sent “to do.”
Why did I chew on this one passage for a few weeks?
I learned something from this passage.
Let me share.
In following the Lord, I’m learning that my life trajectory may not fit nicely into a title. Instead of worrying about titles at all, I’m learning to tether myself to the sails of the Holy Spirit and cling to the last thing He told me “to do” rather than the titles I’d like to give myself in hopes of making sense of things,
in hopes of making myself feel more at ease,
in hopes of making others feel more comfortable,
in hopes of making life feel simpler than what it is…
in hopes of not having to sit and rest in the mysterious and unpredictable ways the Lord chooses to move in and through my life.
John the Baptist didn’t feel the need to title his mission.
Take a second to soak that in.
If you’re not careful, you’ll allow a title to become your identity. And instead of serving the Lord with WHATEVER He tells you to do, you can become enslaved to the title you’ve arrested yourself under and become a faithful servant to that title instead of the Lord.
What do I mean by this?
Often we associate “what” we are doing with “who we are,” and the moment the Lord calls us to do something else, we struggle with the transition because we placed so much of our identity in the last thing He told us to do.
The ONLY IDENTITY you should hold tightly on to is being a beloved child of God.
Being a beloved child of God may mean taking on a job that you never went to school for. Or staying home to take care of your kiddos at the peak of your career. Or preaching the Gospel to school children in another country even though you’ve been a homemaker for __ amount of years. Or becoming an entrepreneur after being in corporate for decades.
Your title that you prefer to comfortably sit in should never hold so much power over you that you SIFT what the Lord commands you to do in certain seasons just because it doesn’t fit your “supposed” identity that YOU’VE created for yourself.
I’ll get personal.
When I first began teaching school after college, I figured I’d teach for a bit, go to medical school, and then ultimately “become a doctor.” Throughout my life, I knew I’d be a doctor. But then the Lord told me to stay home with our kids. And then He told me to not only stay home but then to homeschool. And then He told me to learn about health from a more holistic perspective. And then to blog about how I see Him in my everyday life. And then to write stories and read good fiction and cook good food and learn how to bake sourdough bread. Haha, you get my drift.
You see how one can feel scattered because none of these directives fit into any nice little title.
In doing the last thing the Lord has told you to do, be careful to not subconsciously place yourself into a limiting box and not be open to the multitude of directions the Lord may take you after your initial step of obedience.
This is not a license to not be diligent, faithful, or focused.
This is not a license to not seek Godly counsel for wisdom before trying to faithfully carry out the Lord’s commands.
This is not a license to not have vision and goals.
No, be diligent, faithful, focused.
Seek Godly counsel. Make your vision plain. Just don’t refuse to obey simply because you don’t know how His leading fits into any nice label, or picture, or story, or identity that you’e been creating and thereby following.
In short, when asking yourself the question,” Who am I?”, may “what you do” not be the pinnacle for “who you are.”
Start here first. I am a beloved son/daughter of the Most High. I serve, love, and am devoted to Him, His thoughts, His ways, and His plans above anything else. And through that, I move to where He tells me to go, when He tells me to go, and how He wants me to go.
In doing so, it may not look like a pretty understood picture. But continue doing the last thing He told you to do no matter how scattered, unproductive, and illogical it may seem. And know that nothing He calls you to do is above you or beneath you. You only think those thoughts when you identify yourself with anything outside of being a child of God.
I probably should end this blog post here, but one last thing.
Although John the Baptist denied being the prophet Elijah…technically, John the Baptist did come in the Spirit of Elijah. But you don’t see John the Baptist sitting around pondering the acceptance of this title. John the Baptist simply knew that He was supposed to be making straight the way of the Lord and that’s exactly what He did.
I wonder though, what if John the Baptist did recognize that he was the one who had come in the spirit of Elijah? Would this title have made him doubt his life’s trajectory once he ended up in jail? Would he have wrongfully blamed himself for getting it all wrong after learning that he was about to be beheaded?
I wonder how differently John the Baptist would’ve moved if he was trying to figure out how life fit into a certain box.
Bringing it back to myself, I can’t sincerely make sense of my life in this current season. Typically, I have a sense of an upward trajectory towards a certain goal that I can see. I can touch. I can feel.
Instead, I feel like life is barreling towards me and the Holy Spirit is carrying me through the day, the week, the month, the yearssss with varying directives that at times don’t make sense to me.
I don’t know the end of this story He’s creating in my life for His glory. But I know to trust in being faithful in the last thing He has told me to do.
That begins with simply writing this blog post lol.
May this be of any encouragement to you. Do the last thing He told you to do :), beloved child of God.
-Pondered Thought
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Funny Story...Inclusive of Poops, Teething Upsets, and Rain.
Things were going smoothly, somewhat.
And then, things ramped up.
Hey,
I have a funny story to share.
It’s a story with a lesson in the end. But first…the story.
Remember how I told you a few weeks ago about me swimming more frequently? If you don’t remember, or if you didn’t get a chance to read that post, click here.
But yeah, I’ve been swimming more, and a few weeks ago, I was going through my usual morning routine with the kiddos to ensure that we could all get to the gym at a decent time.
Per usual, my oldest woke up around 6:15 AM. By 6:30 AM, all four of my kiddos were up and ready for the day. I began doing my one-year-old’s hair, picked out my older two kiddos’ clothes so that they could dress, helped to brush everyone’s teeth, breastfed, and then got myself dressed. I met my husband downstairs and began cleaning up a bit while he made our breakfasts.
Things were going smoothly, somewhat.
And then…things ramped up.
An argument broke out between my two oldest. My youngest (3 months old, at the time) wanted more breastmilk. Someone wasted their smoothie. We couldn’t find a shoe to a pair of shoes. And I needed to poop all of a sudden. Time clicked by and I was about to miss my 8:30 AM reservation at the gym which was 15 minutes away (I have to reserve time slots for my youngest to have childcare hours due to a strict adult-to-infant ratio policy.)
But I trudged through. As the mayhem continued, my husband paused in the middle of it and asked, “Are you sure you should go to the gym? You’re about to miss your reservation?”
I’m stubborn. And I wasn’t going to let anything prevent me from getting my time in at the pool and sauna.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be fine.”
I took our youngest and began to change his diaper. I removed his diaper and was about to put a clean one on him when all of a sudden, he gassed and yellow poop eased out onto his onesie.
“Ahhhh! Oh shoot!” he yelled.
“Oh shoot,” my 3-year-old echoed.
My husband turned the corner and had the look like, “This is a lot, Jess. Just hang it up for this one day.”
I would not.
I cleaned up the poop, ran upstairs to grab another outfit for our youngest, and headed out the door.
My husband helped me load up the car with the kiddos and on we went. Although very late, I felt so happy to have endured.
To have pushed through.
I inwardly marveled at my strength.
I pulled into the parking lot.
Due to ongoing construction, we had to park a long distance away. This typically would have been fine, but it was about to rain.
I parked, pulled out our stroller from the back, and grabbed our one-year-old. When I picked her up, she had diarrhea (yes, diarrhea) all in her diaper. She was teething and had been pooping at a drop of a dime during that time. I changed her in the driver’s seat and moved on to grab the next child. I grabbed each child and then realized that because I changed the baby’s onesie into a new outfit while at the house, the baby didn’t have socks on. It was a requirement at the gym for all babies to have their feet covered.
“Evan Jr., take off your socks,” I asked my five-year-old.
He looked so confused. After a few seconds. I had my five-year-old’s socks on my 3-month old’s feet. We grabbed a blanket to cover the double stroller in case it rained and went on our way…. finally.
We checked in at the front desk and walked to the kid’s area, where I quickly envisioned myself waving goodbye to my kiddos for 50 minutes so I could happily jump into a pool.
“Hey, how are you?” the lady at the kid’s counter asked. But before I could answer, she continued.
“Due to unforeseen circumstances, we actually don’t have someone available to watch Eli (my 3-month-old) for your reservation. I’m so sorry. I didn’t have your number on file to call you in advance.”
I wish I could’ve recorded my response.
“Oh. Wow. Yeah, no worries. Not your fault. Okay,” I said through intermittent laughs that sounded on the verge of hysteria.
I wheeled my stroller out the door, walked the football’s length of our walk back to our car, and drove home.
I thought I was supposed to trudge through. I expected an award at the end of that challenging morning. Here I was, marveling at my lil strength to persevere and now I felt silly…doing the most.
Later that night, I pulled out my journal. I read my scripture reading which was in Jeremiah 13.
In this passage, the Lord sent Jeremiah a message by way of life experience. By telling Jeremiah to get a linen belt and by commanding him to do various things with it…the Lord shared a much larger message with Jeremiah regarding all of Judah. I don’t know why the Lord didn’t convey this particular message by simply telling Jeremiah, but that’s not my business. For whatever reason, Jeremiah received the message through his experience with this linen belt.
Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of all the events that transpired that morning. The Holy Spirit began telling me that I was entering into a season in which my life’s direction would be determined by way of ease. He’d make it abundantly clear to me when I was supposed to be moving in a certain direction based on whether or not that direction lent itself to “ease.”
Honestly, this word made me feel very uncomfortable. I rest really well in scriptures like James 1 or Romans 5.
“2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Why do I naturally love reading verses like these?
It’s because I seek self-glory in thinking that I myself can conjure up the steadfastness and perseverance needed to birth the fruit that pertains to enduring. And so, I choose paths that may require the most endurance… just to inwardly boast if it lends the results I was hoping for.
It’s pride.
I want to do it myself, to get the results I was hoping for, just to get the self-glory.
Ooooooo….I’m being vulnerable here
But I don’t rest as easily in scriptures such as Psalm 23 or Exodus 14:14.
Psalm 23: 2-3 “He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.”
Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
It’s difficult for me to hold the latter passages in tandem with the former.
How can I be led to green pastures and lie down if I haven’t worked hard enough for it? How can a battle be won if I’m still? Shouldn’t I play a role in refreshing my own soul?
Ultimately, it boils down to a lie that I believe which is this:
PERSONAL STRIVING = ALWAYS GOOD
When the truth is…
REST & TRUST = ALWAYS BEST
The Lord was using that morning to show me a deeper truth that I needed to digest. It had nothing to do with me going to the gym or not. He just allowed that morning’s events to play out in such a way as to point to a message that He wanted to share.
Okay, so what’s my point in sharing this?
Are you resting in the Lord, in His Promises, in His timing, in His ways?
Or are you striving to make His Hand move more “quickly”, more “efficiently”, and more in alignment with how you think things should play out?
Let me go deeper.
Are you working multiple jobs to make ends meet, when He told you just to focus on that one?
Are you signing up your kids for one hundred extracurricular activities when He told you to focus on incorporating more date nights with your spouse?
Are you still working when He told you to go ahead and retire and help disciple your grandkids?
Are you building your 401K at that job when He told you to downsize your lifestyle and start your own business that He would bless in His timing?
Are you a serial dater when He already told you to delete the apps and He promised you that He’d bring you your spouse in His timing?
Sometimes, we ourselves choose harder paths and struggle thinking that we are “enduring” when in fact, we are simply striving.
I don’t know what your thing is but I end with this verse because I need to go to bed lol.
Isaiah 40:31
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
This is the essence of going the way of “ease.”
I pray you do.
-Pondered Thought.
"Are you going to die?” my four-year-old son asked. Tough questions during everyday moments.
“Are you going to die?” my four-year-old son asked.
You’d think this would be his first time asking such a question. I mean he’s only 4 years old.
“Are you going to die?” my four-year-old son asked.
You’d think that this was his first time asking me such a question. I mean he’s only 4 years old.
Nope. He’d been asking me this same question for weeks up until that point.
I’d made the mistake of watching the movie Downton Abbey, while my son and his two-year-old sister played in the background.
It had been a long week. My feet were tired. My pregnant belly extended further than it had just days prior. And my one-year-old daughter was down for a nap. I couldn’t wait to escape through the means of a movie. I figured that Downton Abbey was innocent enough.
And it was.
But then there was a brief funeral at the end. And that’s when the questions began.
“Mama what’s that? Did she die? Are you going to die?” my son asked feverishly.
I knew this wasn’t the first time he witnessed death through the means of a screen. He’d seen a dinosaur die in his favorite show, a land before time. He enjoyed smashing ants with triumphant victory whenever he saw one crawl through the crevices of our front door. I knew that he had a general concept of death and finality. But this latest question felt different.
I could see his little eyes grow a bit anxious as he awaited my coming answer. To understand the concept of death is one thing. To unpack its meaning in relation to someone you love…is another.
“Yes, sweetheart, but when I die I will go to heaven. It’s like me going to sleep and waking up alive again but in heaven,” I tried to reassure.
This was a truth I’d come to cherish for over 20 years. But it was a truth felt with so much more weight as I tried to explain it to my son at that moment.
But he didn’t quite understand.
“Are you going to die tomorrow? Am I going to die? Let’s pray and ask God for me to never become an adult so I won’t die. Can I ask God that, Mama?”
I wanted him to know that He could ask God any question he wanted. And so we bowed our heads and he prayed.
“Did God say ‘yes’ Mama?”
The way he said ‘Mama’ typically didn’t melt my heart, as I’d hear him so often yell it…scream it….whine it….throughout the day. But in that moment, seeing his innocent eyes search for meaning, made me want to hold him tight. I could see him wanting to feel safe.
“I don’t know son. But I believe God has many big plans for you and wants you to live a long time and become a husband and father one day like daddy. “
“Okay. But Mama, I don’t want to die.”
If you’re a Christian, you don’t really die, son. It’s like going to sleep and waking up in heaven. (How could I explain the differences between the first death and second for believers vs. non believers?)
“Okay. So Christians don’t die?” he asked.
“No, not really sweetheart. They like go to sleep and wake up in heaven.”
For weeks, he kept asking questions regarding death. I tried my best to be honest and sure without provoking fear. His curiosity grew and so did the depth of his questions.
One random day, while waiting in the car for my husband to return from purchasing car tags for our car, my son began his list of questions again. I’d been tempted to let the kids watch something on my phone after two hours of them waiting, but they were cheerfully finding things to entertain themselves with on their own. It was in the third hour of waiting in which the questions began.
“Mama, are you going to die?”
We talked at length again. I explained how Christians have the assurance of being with God forever no matter what. I knew the Holy Spirit didn’t want me to broach the topic of hell just yet.
“Okay, Mama. I want God,” he said gleefully.
“You want to be with God forever?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, somewhat distracted by who knows what.
“Okay, you can have God.” I then spoke about sin and God being a savior and dying on the cross so that we wouldn’t have to be punished for doing bad things anymore. And that when we believe these things to be so, He sends His Spirit to be with us ALWAYS.
I led him in prayer as He confessed that he sometimes did bad things and wanted God to be with him forever.
After praying, he wanted to know if the random passers-by, seen from our front window, were “Christian” or not. And why that random man was smoking. And if that man was going to now die because his lungs would be black. Okay, I digress. It’s quite fun having a curious four year old.
I write this blog post because I learned two vital lessons through these conversations with my oldest son.
The Lord reminded me that my son will not always come to me with hard questions only when I’m ready to talk. It’s going to be in the everyday moments of waiting in the car, trying to get dinner ready, or getting dressed when I must be ready and available to talk with my child when certain questions come up. If I’m consumed by my phone/tv/books or if I create a culture in which my kids are always consuming some form of media or activity, disallowing thoughtful reflection and careful thought, I will most likely miss windows of time to allow my children to ask, think, and ponder on observations seen throughout the day. Having the knowledge to answer hard questions is just as important as being “available” to have a discussion. Fostering a foundation for critical thinking within my children is just as important as making room for my kids to have quiet moments of “nothingness” to simply think and not be bombarded with only content to consume.
Kiddos are being taught every day by someone. It’s best that my son, as young as he is, learns what death is (or any other topic) through me rather than through a misguided peer, adult who may not share the same values as me, or culture caught through media. Young kids are never too young to broach certain topics that might seem initially lofty or too heavy, and I ought to not shy away from explaining difficult concepts just because it’s inconvenient or too much to explain.
Is my son saved now? The Lord only knows. But I know that our conversations are not in vain. And I’m thankful for the opportunity to be emotionally and physically present to continue such conversations in the near future. Pray for myself and my husband as we continue to navigate parenthood. We need all the wisdom we can get from the Lord. And please continue to pray for the precious souls of our four children.
If you’d like to help us prepare for the arrival of our 4th baby, here’s a link to our baby registry. Every bit counts and is truly appreciated: https://www.babylist.com/psqicnbvu
-Pondered Thought
As a mother of little ones, I deeply desire feeling recognized for what I do. Here's how unexpected grace found me on a day the Lord met my greatest need.
No one was there to praise me for how I managed the house or the kids. And the world certainly didn’t exalt my line of work either. No promotion. No monetary compensation. And although I wouldn’t change anything because I knew the seeds that I was sowing were eternal in nature, the temporal feeling of loneliness was nonetheless felt.
I looked at my kitchen counter, littered with onion peelings, tops of unscrewed seasonings, and random measuring cups in no certain order.
My mother’s helper (a young homeschooled girl who I hired to help me with the kids twice a week) played with the kids in the background while I studied the already food-stained cookbook in front of me. I had 1.5 hours left to make a scrumptious french lentil soup, vegan banana bread, and garlic green beans for a potluck feast that my son’s homeschool community group was hosting the next day.
As I turned on my Instapot and churned out all the ingredients, I couldn't help but smile with anticipation at the thought of my newfound mom friends and their guests eating my food and smiling with delight. The thought energized my impregnated body that had just begun entering into the stage of the “wobble.”
The aroma of garlic, onions, and tomatoes completely infiltrated the tight space of our kitchen, while the fiber of my clothing inhabited the smells of each.
“My mom’s here,” my helper yelled.
Perfect timing. I thought.
Everything was done and in their respective dishes for the next day. I stood proud and made a quick video.
While transferring the soup into its container, my hands lost its grip on the stainless steel container and soup splattered all across the floor.
My two-year-old daughter came to see the commotion, and I watched in slow motion as she couldn’t resist the temptation to stomp her lightly colored tennis shoes onto the tomato-based soup. I hunched over and moved her to the side, stifling a silent scream of despair and frustration wrapped in one.
What came out was a deep groan.
“MOVE!”
I didn’t want to process what just happened.
Instead, I grabbed a few paper towels and wiped the floor in quick succession, hoping that I could perhaps wash away the memory as quickly as it occurred. I then ran to take off my daughter’s tennis shoes. She was now on to her next mission of going up our carpeted stairs with signs of paprika still on the crevices of her kicks.
I didn’t have much time to breakdown. I still had to make dinner for the family and my husband was working late, so that meant I needed to make dinner, feed the kiddos, and then get them dressed. We had been invited to a church service that night by a friend.
As I moved from task to task, I felt the Holy Spirit beckon me to call my sister and ask her to pray for me. Although I wasn’t visibly breaking down and fairly calm, I could feel something on the surface begin to bubble. After rescuing the potential for a severely clogged toilet, since my two-year-old daughter ran upstairs to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the drain, I felt again the Holy Spirit say, “Call your sister!”
I came downstairs, placed the broccoli and noodles on everyone’s plates and Facetimed my sister who lived thousands of miles away.
She didn’t answer.
“Pray for me. Kiddos are a lot right now. ” I texted.
She instantly responded, “I’m praying John 14 over you.”
I didn’t quite know what John 14 was, and I surely didn’t have time to look it up, but instantly the Holy Spirit spoke these words to me.
“Peace I give to you. My Peace, I leave to you. Do not let your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid.”
My one-year-old daughter dumped her plate onto the table and my two year old followed suit.
Once we were done eating, I slapped the kids coats on and ran upstairs to change my food-stained shirt. When my husband walked through the door, he and I greeted one another with a quick kiss and went straight to the car. While driving, I felt a strong desire to just escape and go to sleep… on my heavenly Father’s lap.
My husband spoke about his day and then he asked about mine.
The tears came and the confession.
“I know it sounds small, but that soup represented recognition for me. I kept thinking, ‘I’m going to be acknowledged and recognized for something.’ And when I saw the soup on the floor, my one hope of feeling seen dissipated .”
I explained how my work felt so unseen as a stay at home mother.
No one was there praising me for how I managed the house or the kids. And the world certainly didn’t exalt my line of work either. No promotion. No monetary compensation. And although I wouldn’t change anything because I knew the seeds that I was sowing were eternal in nature, the temporal feeling of loneliness was nonetheless felt.
My husband looked over at me as we approached a stop light.
I knew he might’ve been searching for a solution.
After a pregnant pause, he asked, “Do I not recognize you enough?”
The well that had run dry inside of me couldn’t be filled by man. That I knew. I needed the Lord.
“This has nothing to do with you. I just want your empathy. Can you just touch me?”
He placed his hand on my thigh for the remainder of the car ride.
We walked into the church building.
The church was undergoing major renovations. There was no heat. Construction tape roped off many parts of the building. Once inside the sanctuary, Evan and I took our three small kiddos and sat off to the side in the very back row. While my husband and I attempted to get our kids all settled in, I heard the worship singers on stage singing, “You Know My Name” by Tasha Cobbs Leonard. Tears flowed down my face with little restraint and wouldn’t stop.
The Lord knew my name.
He saw me.
He really saw me.
And, He knew.
The worship set flowed from song to song while I witnessed individuals lost in complete worship. The energy in the room felt as though “time” didn’t take precedence.
There was no rush.
No hurriedness.
No formalized set.
It felt as though we were all sitting at the feet of Jesus, absent of the worries and trials that faced us the moment we walked out of the building’s doors.
My kiddos pulled at my legs here and there.
My youngest moved with a hint of restlessness while siting in her daddy’s arms.
But I felt a complete freedom and abandon that made me completely enraptured in the words sung by those around me. The well that had run dry was filling up steadily, and I didn’t want it to end. I couldn’t.
In my periphery, I saw a man approach my husband. They spoke briefly and shook hands. I turned in the man’s direction and waved politely and returned back to my state of longing.
But then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. The man who had spoken to my husband now stood behind me.
“Can I pray for you?” he asked.
On our car ride over to the church service, my husband relayed to me that he knew a team of ministers who were visiting from another church and that many had the gift of prophecy. He mentioned that this group of ministers were going to be there that night. This man who stood behind me was one of the lead pastors from the visiting church.
“Yes,” I retorted quickly to his question.
He placed his hand on my shoulders and paused.
“Come, Holy Spirit.”
He continued to wait.
After a few moments of silence, I heard him gasp, “Woooooooow. Wooowwww. What’s your name?”
“Jessica.”
“Huh?”
“Jessica,” I said louder over the continued worship music.
“Jessica…your roots go down so deep. Wooooooow. Your roots go down soooooo deep,” he kept repeating. He continued to speak things about my life that only the Holy Spirit could have revealed.
Then he paused.
“And Jessica, for some reason, I see like a dishwasher.” I felt him searching for the right words.
“Yeah, I see a dishwasher and like dishes. And I sense the Lord saying that you will encounter him even while you wash dishes. Even while you change diapers. Expect encounter.”
I smiled inwardly to myself. Did he know just how much I stood in the kitchen day after day?
“And I see the Lord giving you His Peace. Complete Peace,” he said. The same peace spoken of through John 14 that the Lord led my sister to pray over me.
He then spoke about the child in my womb. And spoke a promise of the baby that I’ll keep to myself.
He spoke about how the Lord viewed my heart in the spiritual realm.
Then the prayer ended.
I walked into a church building that I didn’t know…seeking to be seen and affirmed. And this girl, with the smell of garlic and onions still on her hands, this girl who sat in the very back row, this girl who so desired to feel recognized. The Lord sent this man, who was visiting from an entirely different church (and did I mention, country?) to share with me that…
The LORD SEES ME.
Even if no one was applauding me for making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even if I never received any accolades, compensation, or public praise for my line of work year after year after year after year…the God of the entire universe reminded me that night that He knew. He saw. He cared. And most important to me, the work of my hands and the prayers of my heart were not in VAIN. They were actually reaping more fruit than my eyes could see.
I started the day off hoping that I could receive man’s outward adulation over a bowl of soup. Instead, the Lord gave me so much more.
He showed me His hands clapping for things that I thought no one saw. He showed me how He viewed my heart despite my sin. He showed me the gifts the Lord longed to give me, if I but open my hands to receive them.
In short, He showed me that the audience of ONE was more than enough.
I walked out of church with my well completely filled.
I’ll see the fruit of my prayers and of my hands. If not now, one day.
Proverbs 31: 30-31
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise eat the city gate.
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Weight-Loss: Focusing on the Process...Not the End Results
After a few weeks of doing some at-home workouts, aside from being “sore” a few days in a row, I saw very little results from my sweaty workouts.
My husband assured me that “these things” took time. He was quite the professional at this point in coaching and encouraging me through any postpartum woes. We just had our third child. But I wanted some sort of results. Anything to motivate me to keep at it.
After having our third child, I was excited to lose my additional baby weight—weight that I knew helped to nourish our sweet newborn with all of her essential nutrients but weight I couldn’t wait to depart from nonetheless.
When our daughter was a few months old, I began doing some at-home workouts. Aside from feeling “sore” a few days in a row, I saw very little results from my sweaty workouts.
My husband assured me that “these things” took time. He was quite the professional at this point in coaching and encouraging me through any postpartum woes. We just had our third child. But I wanted some sort of results. Anything to motivate me to keep at it.
Shortly into thinking over my “dilemma,” I recalled a podcast I listened to a few months prior to having my baby.
In the podcast the interviewer made a remarkable statement.
She said that the most “successful” people in the world obsess over processes-not end results.
In obsessing over the process, perfecting the process, falling in love with the process…the results always came.
Obsess over the process.
Perfect the process.
Fall in love with the process.
In terms of working out, I needed a process that afforded me greater probability for consistency (i.e. time away from the kids to workout). I needed a process that brought greater accountability. I needed a process that filled me up in more ways than just one. I needed something to look forward to that I absolutely loved.
I swapped out my at-home workouts and joined a gym (thanks to my sister who gifted me with a very large birthday gift $$ dedicated towards my self-care).
I began swimming. I began going to the sauna and meditating. I began taking dance classes that offered a fusion between salsa, Afrobeats, hip hop, and even belly dancing.
I obsessed over the process. Perfected it. Fell in love with it. Before I knew it, the results came without me fishing for them.
Why do I write this blog post?
I now try to apply this principle in every area of my life. Whether it's in my marriage, my parenting, my cooking etc.
If I want to continue to grow as a person, I focus on creating HEALTHY processes, habits, routines.
Some processes I love from the jump. Others, I fall in love with over time
In short, I now spend more time thinking through processes than end results/goals.
That’s not to say that I don’t have goals. Honey, I do! It’s to say that I spend more of my thought energy in strategizing over how to obtain that goal, rather than wondering if I’ve “arrived” yet. I usually set a timeline (with A LOT of margin) and I don’t measure my progress until that time is up so as to not get discouraged.
I’m not perfect… at all! And I don’t prioritize everything. But what I want in life, I do prioritize.
I want to know Jesus intimately. I want to experience deeper layers of a healthy marriage. I want my family to enjoy really scrumptious healthy food. I want to create lasting memories that are spoken about long after I’m gone. I want to look and feel sexy-always haha. I want my children to walk intimately with the Lord all the days of their lives. I want to be a forever learner.
Because of this, I must spend time asking God and others for wisdom to know what healthy routines, rhythms, and habits to implement now so that these things can be accomplished.
Life can become busy and chaotic quickly.
If you don’t consider what guardrails to implement in your life so that certain areas of your life continue to thrive without having to give CONSTANT daily thought to them, it’s easy for those same areas to drift towards a state of stagnancy and sometimes decay. This applies to anyone spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally etc.
In short, if you’re not seeing the results you want in an area of your life, don’t lose heart. Don’t give up. Don’t resign to the “ it is what it is” type of mentality.
Seek wisdom. Focus on the process. Change the process, if necessary.
BUT Be patient. Before you know it, the results will come.
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I Watched A War Movie Recently...And Actually Liked It 😳
One night, after the kiddos fell asleep, my husband and I flopped on the couch and turned on the television. I suggested the film. My husband saw a sword on the thumbnail. The movie played.
I recently watched a movie called "The King," which details the early life of King Henry V.
I say "recent" as in a few months ago. I rarely have time to watch movies these days, but I digress.
I say "life of Henry V," even though there were quite a few historical inaccuracies...but back to the point.
For whatever reason, the thumbnail for this movie on Netflix captivated my attention.
One night, after the kiddos fell asleep, my husband and I flopped on the couch and turned on the television. I suggested the film. My husband saw a sword on the thumbnail. The movie played.
Typically, I despise films containing any war scenes. After having children, I shudder at the thought of any human being killing another. It makes me want to cry...quite literally. Let me stop thinking about it before the waterworks come.
My husband fell asleep within a few minutes of the movie. I watched for another hour and responsibly forced myself to sleep (Mamas, you know how tempting it is to stay up all night once your kiddos go to bed). But the next day, I couldn't wait to finish the film.
After finishing the film, I couldn't help but to reflect on one particular battle scene. In this scene, before the soldiers went out to fight a pretty fierce battle (one that didn't appear to look promising), the soldiers were first given a "pep" talk.
I recall staring at my TV screen in awe.
Some of these soldiers would become permanently injured.
Others would die within a few moments and never see their families again.
In light of this sobering reality, these soldiers were given a "pep" talk to essentially encourage them to give it their all on the battlefield.
To leave nothing behind.
To fight as if there were no tomorrow.
Can you imagine?
I couldn't.
I have so much more life to live.
The rawness felt within this scene remained with me for days. And my awe grew each time I thought about the countless number of individuals over the years (and even today) who were forced to live with death as a constant threat.
A few weeks later, I read Deuteronomy 20.
And here is where things turn interesting.
As if a scene from "The King," Deuteronomy 20 reads the following:
When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. 3 He shall say: “Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them. 4 For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”
Before the Israelites prepared for any battle, they listened to this sort of speech given to them by the priests, encouraging the Israelites to trust that the Lord was with them.
After the priests spoke, the officers would then ask a list of interesting questions:
5 The officers shall say to the army: “Has anyone built a new house and not yet begun to live in it? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else may begin to live in it.
6 Has anyone planted a vineyard and not begun to enjoy it? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else enjoy it.
7 Has anyone become pledged to a woman and not married her? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else marry her.”
8 Then the officers shall add, “Is anyone afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his fellow soldiers will not become disheartened too.”
In essence, the officers implied this message...
"IF YOU ARE NOT READY AND WILLING TO LOOSE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW IN THIS FIGHT....GO HOME."
The willingness to risk it all...was a requirement for every soldier going out to fight.
A few months later, I pulled out my Bible and read Deuteronomy 20 again. This time, I asked myself, why these questions? What principles could I extract from this passage?
Here's what I got.
I believe that there are certain battles in life we don't have the zeal to currently fight because we know that we aren't willing and ready to risk it all. Why?...In part, because we have quite a bit of unfinished business back at home. We have been merely existing and not truly living with a direct aim. We have been half-working and not tasting and seeing the fruit of any harvest. We have been dreaming and not creating a vision for who it is we want to be, to have, and to do within a set time frame. We have been building homes and creating families...yet not intentionally dedicating the activities within our households to the Lord.
It's worth repeating. I think many of us don't tackle certain battles in our life with the utmost regard due to a subconscious realization that we haven't lived our past life to the fullest.
*|FNAME|*, if you were forced to live with death as a very real and imminent threat, how differently would you live today? What unfinished business do you have? Think about it.
2) Secondly, I'm reminded from this passage that the Lord desires for us to enjoy life. To ENJOY it! I find it interesting that the soldiers were asked to go home if they still hadn't experienced certain moments that the Lord wanted them to enjoy and to experience. You won't always have a chance to "return home" and to enjoy certain seasons/chapters in your life. Soak it in now and enjoy every single chapter in your life..before the next chapter begins and you’re forced to travel to a place of no return. I look back at even the most challenging periods of my life and can still recall the most glorious of moments. How both can co-exist, I don't know. But cherish the glory.
I didn't think I'd enjoy watching "The King" this much and reading Deuteronomy 20 numerous times. But, here we are.
Pondered Questions: What is some unfinished business you’d like to tackle this year? How will you choose to enjoy your life right now before the next season of life arrives?
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Stop Saying These Curses Over Your Children
I didn’t realize that I was having these thoughts until my perception of my son began to change one day. I didn’t see him as my once precious sweet little boy. I began to view him through a lens laced with lies-subtly impacting my treatment of him. This scared me.
I sat in our one-bedroom condominium, rocking our three-month-old to sleep—our firstborn, who cried non-stop and needed constant stimulation. Rocking, patting, bouncing, walking. I didn’t know when it would end. I refrained from calling our son a colicky baby, but looking back, his behavior bespoke every textbook definition of colic.
No, instead I tried to tell myself that he was strong-willed. Headstrong. He simply knew what he wanted.
But that mid-afternoon, after constantly rocking him back and forth, I didn’t know what to think anymore. I just knew that I was tired, sleep-exhausted, alone (my husband had recently returned back to work from his paternity leave and traveled weekly), and in need of some sort of reprieve.
I tuned into TBN and YouTube worship videos as my form of escape.
One evening, after a failed attempt to place my baby down for a nap (he just wanted to rest on my chest), I tuned into a scheduled program on TBN with Joyce Meyer.
At this point, I knew all the scheduled pastors on TBN: Pastors John Gray, Joseph Prince, Charles Stanley, Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, Creflo Dollar, Andrew Wommack, Michael Todd, James MacDonald, Robert Morris, etc. I was so desperate to take my mind off my constantly crying baby that I would binge-watch all that TBN programming had to offer.
On this scheduled program, Joyce Meyer spoke on the importance of the tongue. I’d read James 3 and thought I knew the significance of how deadly and rewarding my speech could be.
But this evening the Lord showed me something new.
As Joyce Meyer spoke, the Lord impressed on me that He wanted me to prophetically speak words over my son that I believed that he would become… even if I couldn’t see it. I felt the importance of this command, and so the next morning, during my son’s bath time, I specifically created a song for him. I began singing it over him, and three years later, I still do.
Me singing to our son when he was an infant
When our daughter was born, she was just 6-weeks-old when the Lord gave me another song to sing over her too.
Me singing over our daughter when she was an infant
A few months later, the Lord led me to take things a step further after my son began throwing tantrums and requiring more discipline and attention from me. Without me realizing it, I subtly began to entertain fearful thoughts regarding my son due to witnessing his change in behavior.
Will he be a rebellious teenager in the future?
Will he be like a prodigal child? Will he reject the Lord in the future and have a rough life because of it?
I didn’t realize that I was having these thoughts until my perception of my son began to change one day. I didn’t see him as the sweet precious boy that he was. Instead, I began to view him through a lens laced with lies-subtly impacting my treatment of him. This scared me.
One day, while in my prayer closet, the Lord gave me a future vision of my precious son. The Lord then told me to specifically write out everything I envisioned and then to speak those words over my son daily and to practice visualizing it! So I wrote a paragraph of what I saw and began speaking these things over him DAILY. (I practically know it by heart now.)
Evan Jr. is a God-fearing, faithful, persevering, kind, sober-minded, focused man who submits to the Lord’s authority at all costs. He loves his wife and is diligent in his work and stewards his own gift. He has received a clear and true vision from the Lord. He is strong and an excellent steward of his own physical and spiritual body. He runs and is active and cooks homegrown organic foods. He is confident and secure in himself. He is excellent at investing and making whatever he stewards to grow. He is deeply compassionate and protects his siblings. He stays away from the paths of evil and does not get entangled in civilian affairs since he is a soldier of Christ. Therefore, he doesn’t look to the left nor to the right but keeps His eyes straight ahead on the eyes of Christ. Nor does he walk towards the home of the woman who flatters with her tongue (Proverbs 7).
I did the same exercise for our younger daughter too.
Ada is kind and discerning. She is sharp, organized, and accumulates knowledge, wisdom, and understanding easily. She fears the Lord. She assesses an argument with ease. She has a gentle and quiet spirit. She produces eternal fruit by the work of her hands. She knows that she is seen, known, and loved. She knows that she is beautiful and that she belongs. She knows that she is the apple of the Lord’s eye. She ponders things in her heart before acting on them. She is bold and courageous and does not bow down in the face of evil or trial and tribulation. She fights for the injustices of the oppressed, she speaks for the speechless, she stands up to the powerful and mighty. She does not bow down to evil even in the face of death. She protects her sister and prays for her. She only thinks and wants the best for her sister. Jealousy is not a part of any of our children’s relationships in any way shape or form. As iron sharpens iron- so our children’s relationship sharpens one another. They are all best friends and spur one another towards Christ even while culture becomes more wicked. Our children laugh at the days to come and responsibly take care of one another when Evan (husband) and I transition.
And I began to speak life over my husband too. (I’ll keep the words that I speak over him to myself.)
What I’ve gained from this discipline is that after three months, I truly began to believe these words, and thereby I began to treat my children according to these beliefs rather than impulsively and fearfully reacting to the current actions I saw displayed.
Because I believed it, I found myself shaping and molding them according to what I already believed that they would become...instead of crouching in fear hoping that the future would bode well for them.
Nowadays, I’m so sensitive to any words that I speak over them that if it’s not edifying, I don’t speak it--even if it’s in jest. I’m careful to rebuke even strangers who might be joking and say,
“Oh, she’s going to be ______ when she grows up. He’s going to have a problem with ____ in the future. He’s going to be just like his _____. They’re going to argue all the time...just watch. Oh I can already tell, she’s going to get into a lot of trouble at school. He’s going to hurt himself if…She’s going to make all the ladies jealous. ”
I rebuke these curses immediately in the name of Jesus since it’s not edifying.
Why?
How did the Lord create the heavens and earth?
He spoke them into existence.
Genesis 1, "And God said, 'Let there be...."
How does Satan gain footholds into people’s lives?
He speaks lies.
Our tongues are much more powerful than you think.
Since we are made in the image of God, we should take pause and truly consider the value that the Lord places on our speech. It’s a part of His design, and for whatever reason, our words play a vital role in how God allows things to operate in this universe. So it’s worth studying carefully what God says about the tongue.
Proverbs 13:3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
James 1:26; "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless."
Proverbs 21:23 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."
Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."
1 Peter 3:10 "For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit"
I end this blog post by saying, in short, stop speaking curses over your children, spouses, loved ones, self, and others made in the image of God.
It’s one thing to be honest and truthful about one’s current situation within the frameworks of a healthy perspective. It’s another to project a future reality onto someone that is not edifying but spoken from a place of fear, carelessness, insecurity, disappointment, etc. You never know the damage your one tongue can incite. Likewise, you never know the blessings you hinder due to your speech.
It's quite serious.
Matthew 12:33-36
33“Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. 34“You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. 35“The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil. 36“And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. 37“For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”
P.S. 3.5 weeks until our baby is due. Would absolutely love your prayers over these next few weeks.
3 Ways Princeton Prepared Me for Motherhood
I am my best comparison. Some moms make their kids meals from scratch every day, some are super organized and have weekly toy rotations, some have detailed curriculums and homeschool like Harvard professors, some dress their kid to the nine, and some have sleep trained and potty trained their child by the age of 2.
I personally don’t like arts and crafts. I feel stressed thinking about following strict times to do things. I prefer to stay home all day and do home activities (this quarantine was an easy adjustment). But do you know what I do love?
I am my best comparison
I attended Princeton during the era of grade deflation. This meant that no matter how well you think you did in a class, your grade was based on that of your peers. A certain percentage of students were allotted an “A”, no matter if 100% of turned-in material was “A” quality. So if everyone began acing papers in your small seminar class, the bottom percentage of those A’s were given B’s and C’s in order to proportion out the grades.
Thankfully, Princeton no longer has grade deflation, but during my time there, I and my peers dealt with this unnecessary stress. Learning for the sake of learning often took a backseat. Creatively expressing one’s own thoughts and ideas, often shadowed the thought of how other students were creatively expressing theirs too. You see, competition reigned supreme. Knowing that one’s grade was literally dependent on the performance of a peer, often drove many insane.
After one year at Princeton, I made the conscious decision to do my best and to leave the rest to God. For the next three years, I forced myself to compare myself against myself.
My motto became “You just do you... I’ma do me.”
In motherhood, it’s easy for many to compare themselves to others when it comes to parenting.
Some moms make their kids meals from scratch every day; some are super organized and have weekly toy rotations; some have detailed curriculums and homeschool like Harvard professors; some dress their kid to the nine; and some have sleep-trained and potty-trained their child by the age of 2.
I personally don’t like arts and crafts. I feel stressed thinking of following strict times to do things. I prefer to stay home all day and do home activities (this quarantine was an easy adjustment). But do you know what I do love? I love making vegan and gluten-free desserts for our son. I love the idea of planning out the next set of board books to order from Amazon. I love imagining which parts of the book I think my son will love. I love taking him on walks outside and pointing to the trees and butterflies. I love presenting my son with classic toys made from wood and seeing him explore different ways to play with that same toy over the weeks and months.
Princeton taught me to celebrate and learn from the strengths in others without feeling threatened…because living in a state of constant comparison can easily drive anyone crazy.
2. Nothing usually goes according to plan.
And I mean nothing. A few months ago, when I was much earlier in my 2nd pregnancy, I made plans on taking my son out for an activity and then going to two grocery stores before heading home for lunch. Sounds simple enough, right? After the first stop to the grocery store, I realized that I was becoming faint-like and needed to eat something ASAP. I drove to Whole Foods, which was nearby, and decided to grab a vegan cookie and some chicken (during pregnancy I find that I have to eat meat, otherwise my nausea gets really bad, very quickly). I grabbed my son’s stroller, put him in, and headed straight to the hot food bar.
After grabbing my items and checking out, I couldn’t wait any longer. So I took out my vegan cookie and began chowing away on its sweet goodness while navigating the stroller with my other hand on the way to the car. Unknowingly, when I reached the curb of the sidewalk outside the store, my hot barbecue sauce (you know, for my chicken) poured out of the stroller’s cup holder and onto my son’s pants and down his leg. He was sticky all over.
I made a u-turn, went back inside, finished my cookie of course, and headed straight to the restroom that was some distance away. I somehow cleaned up my son inside the small cramped restroom (with the little strength I had—hello 1st trimester) and then thoroughly cleaned off the stroller, while keeping my ever-wandering child from entering into other people’s restroom stalls.
I kept hearing my roaring stomach and felt extreme fatigue setting in. Finally, we made it back to the car (nevermind needing more barbecue sauce), but upon reaching the car door, I realized that I didn’t have my keys. The hot October sun didn’t make things better. I was becoming weaker by the second.
Retracing my steps through my mind’s eye, I realized that I may have accidentally thrown away my keys when grabbing several napkins to clean off my son and stroller.
At this point, any dwelling on the recently occurred events would’ve led to a breakdown. So I didn’t dwell. I couldn’t. I simply grabbed my stroller once more and headed back inside.
I headed straight to the restroom to make sure my keys weren’t there and realizing that they weren’t, I headed directly in the direction of the manager and explained to him that I needed to do a thorough search of a particular trash-bin. I didn’t have time for judgment. I just needed to get back to the car, eat my chicken, and get home. Thankfully, my “I’m about business” stance dissolved upon hearing that a stranger had actually found my keys and turned them in already. A “Praise the Lord” resounded from my lips, and my son and I were off to the car.
A few minutes later, after ferociously consuming some baked chicken in the driver’s seat, nausea and fatigue set in even further. I knew that I was going to throw up at any moment’s notice (after this, it would take weeks before I could consume chicken again). My son’s cries in the back, as it was way past his nap, didn’t help. Let’s just say, I barely made it home.
Plans? Every mother knows that any day can go in a multitude of directions. From poop explosions to toddler meltdowns, to unexpected messes, to dinner plans suddenly looking like a multitude of “healthy” snacks mashed together, to “I’m going to get an hour’s worth of work done since the baby is asleep” suddenly being disrupted by a shorter than usual nap from your bundle of joy.
Princeton taught me to do the best I can with what I have. In college, sometimes I had only one hour to write a five-page paper. And you know what? I found a way. Sometimes I only had 20 minutes to send a professor an email, run to the dining hall for a quick meal, and download that day’s precept readings. Instead of dwelling on less than ideal circumstances, I learned in college to literally make the best with what I had.
3. You gotta laugh at your mistakes and refuse to place your identity in them
During my Sophomore year, I took Molecular Biology. My friends and I met faithfully in our study groups, shared excellent outlines, stayed on top of our readings, and visited office hours. Leading up to my midterm, which was 20% of my final grade, I felt confident.
On the morning of my exam, I even got dressed up. This was the first midterm in which I felt so sure of acing the exam, in light of grade deflation. When the midterm was over, I gathered my belongings and caught up with some of my study partners to discuss our thoughts on the exam. Very quickly, I discovered that there were a few questions discussed in conversation that I couldn’t recall. Within minutes, I realized why.
I hadn’t completed the very back page of the exam.
I couldn’t believe it. All the hours of studying, memorizing, outlining, office hours. I knew the material like the back of my hand. I emailed my professor and explained to her my situation. After meeting with her in person and making numerous concessions to retake the exam, I was shut down. All the questions that I didn’t answer would be counted against me.
Talk about a major mistake.
I went back to my dorm room and fell to my knees. The Lord listened to my cries and comforted me in a way that only He could. While I felt that this was a HUGE deal, the Lord gently comforted me and let me know that it actually wasn’t. In light of eternity, this was actually pretty small. Although my grade wouldn’t truly reflect my knowledge of the material, it didn’ change the fact that I still possessed that knowledge.
I learned two things that day. 1) Sometimes you just need to laugh at your mistakes and 2) refuse to identify yourself by them.
Just because you may have forgotten to change your child’s diaper in a timely manner and now he/she has a diaper rash...doesn’t make you a “bad mom.”
Just because your child is regressing and is now wetting the bed…doesn’t mean that it’s your fault.
Just because your house is a mess, you haven’t shaved, and you’re finding joy in having to poop because that’s your only excuse and time to be alone...doesn’t mean that you’re failing in life.
And just because you let your child stay up way too late and now he or she is off schedule…doesn’t mean that you’re irresponsible.
Sometimes, you just need to laugh! Perfection is overrated and is never a measure of your worth, gifting, or progress. The goal is to look more like Christ each and everyday…not a Stepford wife.
PonderedThought:
Looking back, what experiences or trials prepared you most for motherhood, or is currently preparing you for it?
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1 Verse that showed me the heart of God: He's better than you thought
For many years, I saw God's heart in a way that was very fixed. And in this fixed image of God, I was blinded to His heart. In effect, I made God devoid of any and all emotion. And myself? A mere project in need of fixing.
Originally Posted: 1/16/18
Updated: 1/16/20
"If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more."
For many years, I saw God's heart in a way that was very fixed.
The image was of One who desired for me to be Holy...and as a result, turned away upon seeing my blemishes.
One who was in constant search for me to be conformed to the image of Christ… and ONLY sought me in order to relentlessly do everything in His power to make sure this work (me) was finished upon Christ’s return.
One who was only interested in my perfection and not in my shortcomings.
But in this fixed image of God, I was blinded to His heart. In effect, I made God devoid of any and all emotion. And myself? A mere project in need of fixing.
But this imagery began to become challenged when coming across certain verses in the Bible over the years.
One example includes the following passage (SN: Here, the Lord speaks to King David, after King David’s most recent sin of raping another man’s wife. King David then killed the wife’s husband. I know. It’s quite a bit.):
7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah.
And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.
9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.
2 Samuel 12:7-10
In His exchange with David, the Lord stated all of the ways in which He, the Lord, had been faithful to David. After reminding David of these things, instead of only telling David the consequences that were to come due to his sin—rightfully deserved—the Lord leaves me struck by these words:
If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more.
Have you ever committed a sin and then expected the next reigning blow from the Lord? You confess, you repent, and when something bad happens—state to yourself, “Well, I deserve it. The Lord is angry with me.” These thoughts can sometimes resound in one’s mind when a person doesn’t know the heart of their true Father.
The moment you truly look into the Father’s eyes in this passage, you don’t see anger—but instead, you see a glimpse of A Father’s hurt and outstretched hands.The Lord simply wanted David to turn to Him. David had no reason to steal from others.
“If that had not been enough, David...I would have given you much, much more.”
If the houses had not been enough; if David’s wives had not been enough; if territorial kingdoms had not been enough etc.—the Lord doesn’t say “I will just remove them and see how you fare.” But instead, the Lord says, “If that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more.”
My heart just drops.
The Lord simply wanted David to come to Him.
We often view the Lord’s discipline, especially in the Old Testament, and cringe. We easily succumb to thinking that this God is terrifying, full of wrath, and unforgiving. It’s easy to go to the next set of verses and linger over the consequences that the Lord pronounced over David due to his sin. But before doing so…take pause at this one verse that God tells David right beforehand.
“If that had not been enough...I would have given you much, much more.”
Be challenged today by the Father’s heart. I dare you to take your eyes off of yourself and peer into His heart. Yes, our sins reap consequences. But more than viewing the damages caused by our own sinfulness, consider the feelings of the One most affected—Your beloved Lord.
He's not devoid of feeling. He's not unaffected by your actions. He's NOT more concerned about a mission rather than a relationship. See His heart...just this once.
You're not a project.
You're not looked upon through eyes of disgust.
You're loved.
And because You're loved, He will chase after you. He will discipline you. He will desire for you to be holy...because He is holy.
Why? Because He desires the most to be intimate with you.
Take a moment to meditate on the words that the Father shared with David, before sharing with him the punishment to come.
"If that was not enough (insert your name), I would have given you much, much more."
PonderedThought: What has the Lord given you that you’re saying “isn’t enough” through your actions recently?
Is it His peace? His Protection? His Guidance? His Presence? His current Provision? Your Family?
Hear Him now saying….
“If that had not been enough (insert name)...I would have given you much more.”
Instead of running to others/things, He simply wants you to come to Him.
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You’re Not Behind in this Journey Called Life: 3 Pivotal Lessons I’ve Learned From My Brother Joseph
Have you ever felt a God-given desire to have children, only to find yourself struggling with infertility? Or felt led to become a lawyer, but then failed the LSAT? Or felt like God promised you marriage, but another year goes by and you still weren’t even dating anyone? Or heard the Lord tell you to start that business but then you found yourself on the verge of bankruptcy?
Have you ever received a vision from God for your life that shot your excitement through the roof, but then shortly thereafter, you were hit with a reality that seemed to be the exact opposite of what He showed you?
Let me be more specific.
Have you ever felt a God-given desire to have children, only to find yourself struggling with infertility?
Or felt led to become a lawyer, but then failed the LSAT?
Or felt like God promised you marriage, but another year goes by and you still weren’t even dating anyone?
Or heard the Lord tell you to start that business but then you found yourself on the verge of bankruptcy?
Or received a divine vision of you revolutionizing your city’s economic infrastructure, but then you found yourself staying at home for 12 years taking care of your kids?
What I’ve learned from my brother Joseph, in the book of Genesis, is that what appears to be a setback in your life...a standstill...wasted years...backward motion...is actually preparation.
Obviously, sin, disobedience, and foolish decisions can cause unintended consequences and wasted time. However, even in that...God is sovereign and can use the mess of years to make a masterpiece for His glory.
But today I want to encourage the person who is seeking the Lord diligently, waiting for His timing, and being faithful in what is set in front of you. I want to remind you that God is sovereign. What you might consider a setback for you or even to others, is actually preparation. Don’t rush through it, try to halt it, or run away from it. Because you have no idea what God is preparing you for.
Here are 3 lessons I learn from Joseph that will hopefully encourage you whenever you feel that your life is at a standstill and not progressing as you had hoped:
Be faithful in what is set in front of you today
“Yeah yeah yeah...be faithful. I’ve heard this too many times.” You might’ve been hoping for me to tell you something brand new, huh? But I need to remind you of this one key principle. Seriously, put your all into where you currently are right now...even if you aren’t where you want to be.
God gave Joseph a dream of his brothers bowing down to him. In the dream, Joseph saw clearly that the Lord was going to exalt him in some capacity. But shortly after having this dream, Joseph found himself sold into Egyptian slavery by the very brothers he thought would hold him in high esteem. Even as a slave, Joseph grew in favor with Potiphar and became Potiphar’s attendant—meaning Joseph was in charge of all of Potiphar’s household. Potiphar noticed that the Lord was with Joseph and Joseph was successful in all that he put his hands to.
But then the unexpected occurred. Joseph was lied on for raping Potiphar’s wife, and poor Joseph ended up in actual prison. But even in prison, Joseph was still exalted by God.
He could’ve blamed God for his terrible plight, dug himself into a deep depression, or questioned the plans that God had previously shown him. Perhaps he did some of these things for a season. I don’t know. But if he did, we know he didn’t stay in that place. Joseph found favor with the prison guard, who in turn put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners. Even in prison, God gave Joseph success in whatever Joseph put his hands to.
Are you noticing a theme here?
Wherever God placed Joseph, God gave him authority over many people. God was preparing Joseph for something greater.
From three years in Potiphar’s house, to 10 years in prison, Joseph could’ve concluded that 13 years of his life were completely WASTED.
He could’ve surmised that he was falling behind, or even had missed out completely, on the purposes that God had for him.
He could’ve given up entirely on life when viewing the lives of others moving forward. But he didn’t. He was faithful where he was. Even if that meant being in prison.
No setbacks you face are powerful enough to derail God’s plan for your life. Consider what you call “setbacks” to be merely purposeful parts of that plan. Just be faithful where God has you, and keep your faith in where He’s taking you.
2. Seek the Lord diligently and give Him glory
Okay, here’s another one you’ve heard before. But don’t roll your eyes or overlook this one. If Joseph hadn’t continued to seek the Lord in prison...he would’ve failed one big test that the Lord had for him.
You see, while in prison, Joseph interpreted the dreams of two of Pharaoh’s servants. Two years later, when Pharaoh had a dream that no priest could interpret, one of the servants recalled that Joseph could interpret dreams. Pharaoh called Joseph out of prison to interpret. Here is the exchange between Joseph and the most powerful man in all of Egypt:
15 Pharaoh said to Joseph, “I had a dream, and no one can interpret it. But I have heard it said of you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it.”
16 “I cannot do it,” Joseph replied to Pharaoh, “but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.”
There was actually no reason for Joseph to correct Pharaoh in this instance.
I probably would’ve remained silent and thanked God for allowing me to find favor in Pharaoh’s sight. You have to understand, Egyptian culture didn’t worship Yahweh, Joseph’s God. So for Joseph to correct Pharaoh in this instance, glorifying God among those who didn’t know Him, appears a bit extra. But look at what happens next. Because Joseph directly acknowledged the Lord as the one who gave him the ability to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, Pharaoh says this to Joseph after hearing Joseph’s accurate interpretation and counsel :
39 “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. 40 You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.”
You see what happened when Joseph glorified God? He couldn’t have glorified God this boldly if he hadn’t already been seeking God while he was in prison. It would’ve been difficult to stand before Pharaoh and state this if he hadn’t been accustomed to spending time in the presence of the King of all kings. But because he had, God highly exalted Joseph.
I don’t know where God has placed you right now. Whether you are working at a Fortune 500 company in which the name of the Lord is shunned, or at home taking care of the kids in which most of society looks down upon... continue to seek the Lord with boldness and do not shy away from giving Him glory.
3. Trust that God has major plans for you even when others doubt
Someone could’ve heard about Joseph’s imprisonment and laughed at the notion that Joseph believed his own brothers would one day bow at his feet.
Someone could look at you on instagram and say, “Wow, she’s such a catch but she still isn’t married? 35 and still no kids? Wow, she has all of those degrees just to stay home with her kids? Divorced and now a single mother, poor thing. Hmm...I thought she was a good mother but look at her son in prison.”
If you’ve heard these words before, or if you’ve felt these sentiments from others or even within yourself, be careful to not bite the bait of Satan. Satan would love to have you take your focus off God and instead look into the doubtful stares of others. If he can get you to focus on naysayers, you just might internalize their doubt and believe their lies.
If Joseph had posted his updates to instagram, everyone watching would have considered his life wasted. I can just imagine the thoughts of those looking at Joseph in prison and wondering how an upstanding man with so much talent and potential ended up in prison. I can see them doubting how Joseph’s “God” would be able to use a convicted felon. And yet God did use him. And used him mightily.
Joseph became the most powerful man in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh. Joseph was in charge of everything and saved the entire nation and surrounding nations from perishing during a season of famine. And his brothers? During the time of famine, Joseph’s brothers heard about how the Egyptians had food in their land. And so in order to survive, the brothers journeyed to Egypt in order to purchase food. Guess who they found themselves bowing down to in order to receive it? I might’ve taken a chance to tell my brothers about themselves. I may have lavished in the fact that they were so below me socioeconomically. But Joseph didn’t. Joseph said one thing I’ll always remember and I hope will encourage you. Instead of looking back at his own life with bitterness and unforgiveness, Joseph shared from a place of revelation.
19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. 21 Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.
PonderedThought: What I learn from my brother Joseph is that setbacks aren’t what they seem. You’re not behind in this journey called life because life isn’t a clear path from point A to point B, often based on the customs of society. Many times, detours are a part of the plan—maybe not your plan, but God’s plan. He usually does things differently than you anticipate and far greater than you expect. So be faithful in what God sets in front of you, seek the Lord, give Him the glory, and trust that God has major plans for you even in the face of your own or other people’s doubts. When you take these key steps to be faithful, God’s goodness is going to blow your mind.
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Sis, the sins you love today..will affect your children tomorrow. There's HOPE.
Don’t wait until tomorrow. Let go of it today. You never know how the deliverance you seek today sows into the freedom your children will reap tomorrow.
We sat in Panera bread—our soup, salad, and chips spread out on the table in non-orderly fashion. After a quick pause for prayer, we joyfully dug in. As we mindlessly moved from our hot soup, to sips of water in between, to small bites of cold crisp salad, the older lady sitting across from me—the one who had invited me out for an impromptu lunch date, the one who emanated wisdom without haughtiness—looked me squarely in the face with eyes that exuded heavenly zeal. She then carefully stated,
“Jessica, the sins you don’t surrender now to God, will be manifested in your children.”
There was no pause. And yet her words stopped all of time experienced for me in that moment. I don't prefer absolute statements, and so I stared into her eyes with rightful skepticism.
This was my bible study leader and a woman who greatly feared the Lord. The way she spoke of the Lord drew me to her. I cherished her words of advice. And so, despite my skepticism, her warning pierced me in ways that others’ utterances simply couldn’t penetrate (due to my boundaries and often pride).
She didn’t say “might be” or “could possibly.” She unapologetically said, “The sins you don’t surrender now to God, WILL BE manifested in your children.”
And then she used biblical examples and her own life experience to back it up.
The one sin that David didn’t take to the Lord regarded his sexual life. Just read the Psalms and you’ll see. David was open and transparent with God in several areas of his life, except when it came to sexual temptation. Hence, he had multiple wives and committed adultery/rape with Bathsheba.
Was sexual sin manifested in his children?
David’s son Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Solomon’s pagan relations with women is believed to have been one of the main causes for the division of the Israelite kingdom an entire generation later.
David’s other son Amnon actually fell sick because Amnon was so overcome with lust for his half-sister Tamar. Tragically, Amnon’s lust eventually drove him to actually rape his own half-sister.
What about David’s other children?
When David committed his sexual sin with Bathsheba, the Lord said,
“ Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.”
The Lord promised that the sexual sin that David did in secret would be manifested in public through someone else. That “someone else” was through David’s other son, Absalom. David’s son Absalom slept with all of David’s concubines openly for everyone to see.
Do you now see the common theme of sexual sin that ran rampant in David’s children?
If that example doesn’t convict you, let’s look at Abraham.
Abraham, the father of faith, had a habit of lying. Abraham lied TWICE and said that his wife, Sarah, was his sister when he was faced with the threat of death.
Because Sarah was beautiful, Abraham didn’t want Pharaoh (Genesis 12) nor King Abimelech (Genesis 20) to kill him in order to marry his wife, and so he lied on two separate occasions and said that she was his sister. Many years later, Abraham’s son, Isaac, was faced with a similar predicament and did the same. Isaac lied and told King Abimelech that his wife, Rebecca, was his sister (Genesis 26). That lie didn’t last long though because the king saw Isaac caressing his wife outside in a way that would have let anyone know that homegirl was not Isaac’s sister.
It doesn’t end there though. Many years later, Isaac’s son and Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, picked up this same sin too by lying and telling his father that he was his older brother, Esau instead of Jacob, in order to receive the blessing intended for the elder son. Then Jacob’s own children lied to him by telling him that Joseph, their brother and Jacob’s youngest son at the time, was killed by a wild beast when in actuality they had sold Joseph off into slavery to the Ishmaelites (Genesis 36). The “lying” stronghold manifested itself generationally, from Abraham to Isaac to Jacob and all the way to the children of Jacob.
So when my bible study leader said “will be” I see now that she’s right.
If I don’t sacrifice my choice of sin at the altar, the sin that Christ died for, the sin that I can experience victory over- it is more than likely going to be manifested in my children.
This is how generational curses, sins, and struggles persist through family lines. It is up to us as believers to interrupt these patterns.
How can you change the future of your family? Surrender to God the choice of sin you so dearly cling to. In so doing, you can protect your children from experiencing the same struggle.
Do you disrespect and mistreat your spouse without shame?
Do you panic and allow fear and anxiety to dictate your actions when you feel out of control?
Do you surrender those insecurities about your body or looks by clinging to God’s word that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Or do you fuel them by comparing yourself to others in your newsfeed, insta stories, and celebrity fanfare?
Do you find that you often covet? As in do you find yourself secretly wanting the social status, marital status, children status, or any status of others?
Do you turn to food, television, CBD,or pills for a peace and escape that only the Lord YEARNS to give to you if you'd run to Him as a child in crisis moments?
These struggles may feel personal to just you, but be not deceived...
children pick up on these things.
Your son is watching.
Your daughter is observing.
Would you want your daughter/son following in your footsteps?
Even if children are only a dream of your future, they will still be impacted by your actions in the present.
Again, surrender whatever choice of sin you so dearly cling to. Otherwise, it could be manifested in your children.
Lastly, there’s hope. Please Understand. THERE'S HOPE.
If you’ve seen this to already be true in your own life and in your own children, identify the generational sin by name and rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Repent and go to the Lord for His ALMIGHTY HELP through the power of the Holy Spirit to experience victory. Prayer is powerful.
It’s NEVER too late to experience the redemptive work of Jesus Christ in your life, your children’s lives, and in generations to come.
Can I repeat myself once more?
That sin you wrestle with-Christ died for it. There’s no need carrying it, experiencing defeat, and passing it on from one generation to the next. But I beg you. Let go of it today. Do whatever you must to surrender it.
You never know how the deliverance you seek today sows into the freedom your children will reap tomorrow.
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Beware: A dangerous mentality invading Christian culture
Now that I’ve been in the “Christian” circle for a couple of years, there’s something that the Lord is now teaching me to be very wary of. It’s subtle. It’s sneaky. And it can come upon anyone without advanced warning.
When I first began walking closely with the Lord, there was a sort of righteous fear that overwhelmed me. His presence, His glory, and His authority went beyond the scope of my finite understanding. Because of that, I held His Word preciously in my heart. I fearfully examined and readily applied any directive, despite several failings.
Being reminded of the emptiness I felt before walking with the Lord, I discovered a heart posture of humility that no book, sermon, nor song could teach.
As an unfortunate parallel to this holy fear, I often became overcome with condemnation when I stared into the contrast between the holiness of God and my personal sinful condition. Aware of His holiness, I constantly found myself taking my eyes off my Perfect Savior and settling onto the view of my own shortcomings.
Condemnation often led to guilt. Guilt then led to deep shame. This wasn’t from the Holy One.
Thankfully, His Word healed my own self-inflicted wounds.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
“As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us”
The Lord taught me that shame was not from Him. He taught me the power of His Blood. He gave me freedom, secure love, and peace.
But now that I’ve been in the “Christian” circle for a couple of years, there’s something that the Lord is now teaching me to be very wary of.
It’s subtle.
It’s sneaky.
And it can come upon anyone without advanced warning.
It’s...Spiritual pride.
There are two sides to spiritual pride. On the one hand, you might find others who base their salvation in the things that they do and judge others’ salvation or righteousness based on their human-made list as well.
For instance, the list could be, “I fast once a month. I pay my tithes. I read the Word every day. I go to church every Sunday. I volunteer in the children’s church. And I don’t use social media. ”
The list itself isn’t the problem. In fact, this list contains some pretty powerful spiritual practices that could really help some grow in their faith.
The problem is when a person believes that “because I do (___), I am (saved, righteous, or pleasing in the Lord’s sight)”. This belief cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ. By trying to gain with human works that which could only be done through divine sacrifice, cheapens the blood of Jesus Christ.
The essence of salvation in Christianity, which makes it different from all other religions, is that Jesus literally did it all. We don’t have to “do” in order to “be.” We are already righteous in the eyes of God. Rather, it’s because of our gratitude for this overwhelming grace of God and our love for God that we voluntarily fast, give, spend time with God, and serve others.
Do you see the difference?
Okay. But that’s just one side of spiritual pride.
There’s another. This “other” is growing more prevalent within Christian culture and even in my own heart. It’s something that the Lord is warning me about. Perhaps, you too.
The second side of spiritual pride is the hidden belief that one is Christ or above Christ.
If you just wrenched your nose and inwardly shook your head and said to yourself, “Blasphemy. That’s not me at all, Jessica!” hold tight and keep reading, because it may very well be you.
Yes, there’s legalism. But the opposite extreme of a legalistic culture is an elitist mentality that one is above the commands of God. This too is spiritual pride. And both are equally as dangerous.
Luke 6: 40
“A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher.”
The temptation (notice that this can be a temptation and not an automatic trap we fall into) that can arise from drawing closer to the Lord, from receiving divine revelations, from becoming acquainted with one’s own spiritual gifts, and from recognizing one’s spiritual authority...is that one can hold the subtle belief that he/she is Christ or above Christ... rather than like Christ.
What do I mean by this?
The attempt to be Christ or to be above Him is to… pick and choose what is right and wrong, to casually consider what to apply and what to ignore, and to compartmentalize what is significant versus insignificant. It is to know the Word, teach the Word, but not follow ALL of the Word—especially parts personally deemed insignificant.
This sort of spiritual pride can take on various forms. But I’ll name some hypothetical thought patterns most culturally relevant:
I know that it’s important to renew my mind and that I’m commanded in the Bible to do so, but I’ve gotten older. I used to read the Scriptures and even memorize them, but now that I’m older, I already know what’s in the Bible. There’s no use studying it with the same level of fervency as before. Been there... done that. Besides, at least I'm not in the streets like I used to be and like some of these lost young people.
Or...To be holy is to be set apart. I know this and can break down scriptures that speak on the differences in being sanctified, reconciled, and redeemed. But I can curse a little. It’s not that big of a deal. They’re just words at the end of the day. I just won’t say it around my children. And if I’m excited or frustrated, I can throw around God’s name irreverently. God knows my heart.
Or...I know all about spiritual soul ties and the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage. I could teach an entire lecture on 1 Corinthians 6. But when it comes to me, God understands. I personally can’t do it. Yeah yeah yeah, I know 2 Peter 1:3 states that God has given us everything we need for life and godliness, but I’m human. But hey, I’ll fast from sex for a couple of months. But that’s all I can commit to.
Or... God says the eye is the lamp of the body, but I’m not affected by what I see on TV, Netflix, or Youtube anymore. So I can watch whatever I want and listen to whatever I want. But I’ll make sure to tell the little ones to close their eyes when that sex scene comes on. My soul will remain unaffected.
Or my favorite..I know that God sees lying as an abomination, but I need to take a day trip. So I'll call in sick. They don’t give me enough days off anyway. At least I show up to work faithfully.
Be wary of this, beloved.
As we Christians become more aware of the dangers of self-righteousness and legalism, let us also be just as vigilant to beware of an elitist mentality that attempts to put us above the commands of God. All of the Word of God is true and ought to be applied.
Hear me. There is a difference between the person who curses like a sailor, struggles with porn, has illicit sex but repeatedly reaches for our loving Father, confesses wrongdoing, and makes sincere efforts to walk back on the straight and narrow... and the person who knows a way is not pleasing to God and pridefully justifies a continued trek.
How can someone arrive to the latter? How can one become hardened to sin? I honestly think it boils down to 2 things:
Not having a healthy fear of the Lord
Forgetting one’s spiritual depravity before Christ. And forgetting one’s continued need for Christ.
Do you have a healthy fear of God? I know He’s your homie, but is He your Lord, Master, and King too? If a believer, do you vividly recall the darkness that God brought you out of? Do you wake up each day with the sense of indebtedness in acknowledging who Christ is to you, what He has done for you, and that you are nothing without Him? Remembering lends itself to humility. Forgetting, is a black hole to spiritual pride.
If this is you, don’t be discouraged. It was also me like yesterday (hence, the birth of this blog post). There’s hope for us.
First, repent.
Turn away from pride and to God— in the most transparent of ways without shame, knowing that Your God is gentle. He is not going to throw fire on You. He rejoices more than anything in You coming to Him humbly as a child in need of forgiveness (Luke 15:1-7). For me, sometimes this one act can sometimes take a while (um...days sometimes) because pride has to literally GO in order to do this. In doing this, the Lord will really show you how He views that particular act of sin that you thought wasn’t a big deal. He will never condemn.
However, don’t be surprised if you find yourself in a state of mourning. Sin is serious. And when the Holy Spirit shows you the actual severity of your actions that you thought was no big deal—you should mourn. When you read the Psalms, you witness King David literally mourning over his sin (Psalm 51). He is not wallowing in condemnation. He is mourning, which is a healthy practice after realizing what breaks God’s heart.
Secondly, pray fervently for a righteous fear of God.
Remember it is dangerous to be in a place where you think you can live outside the commands of God’s Word. It’s so easy to do when approaching the Word while in a state of spiritual pride. Remember, the goal is to be like Christ. Even as God and man, Jesus humbly submitted himself to the will and word of the Father, and that is our call as well. You never want to assume that you possess the authority of Christ to pick and choose what is right and what is wrong, what to apply and what to ignore, and what is significant and what is insignificant.
PonderedThought: Do your actions sometimes reflect the belief that you have the same authority as Christ? Do you subtly gloss over some scriptures and pick and choose which scriptures to ascribe to? Praise God for revealing that to you. Now, Confess. Repent. And Remember. Remember that we are all wretched sinners in need of a Saviour on a daily basis.
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9 Movies and Documentaries you should be watching (but probably aren't)
Often, my husband and I spend/waste an hour or two just trying to decide what to watch. And to be honest, we often end up, more than once, finding what we thought was a “good” film, only to turn it off minutes later because our selection was either too low-budget, too spiritually dark, or too graphic.
So there’s something I’ve been noticing. Every year, I find myself gathering more movies to catch up on, shows to watch, and documentaries to view in order to stay informed. Nowadays, you have network shows, network movies, Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, PureFlix, and the list goes on.
Often, my husband and I spend/waste an hour or two just trying to decide what to watch. And to be honest, we often end up, more than once, finding what we thought was a “good” film, only to turn it off minutes later because our selection was either too low-budget, too spiritually dark, or too graphic. And unfortunately, there are a lot more dark and explicit movies and shows being released.
So with Valentines Day around the corner, the potential for more snow days forthcoming, and people sticking to some much-needed budgets, here is a list of relatively new movies/documentaries that I highly recommend watching from home.
The Hate You Give (2018)
I completely opposed watching this movie at first. I think it’s because, now being a mother, I thought it’d conjure up too many emotions that I didn’t want to grapple with. And it did. However, unlike other movies I’ve viewed, this movie offered hope without watering down the trauma, injustice, and stark reality of modern-day racism. I loved Fruitvale Station, but it’s not a movie that I’m rushing to watch again--mainly due to its unexpected rawness. But this is a movie I’d enjoy again and again. Not because the content was necessarily pleasurable (far from it). But because it was a movie that I surprisingly saw myself on screen. The main character had a way of beautifully flowing (code-switching) between two worlds seamlessly until both collided, in which the main character had to make some hard choices. This movie expressed my very thoughts and emotions in a way that I didn’t know a movie could. And because of that, it was strangely cathartic. I know I know. Just trust me. It’s worth renting.
Stink! (2015)
Have you ever wondered why parents wash newborn outfits before placing them on their precious bundles of joy? Or why new furniture can give off a certain smell for a few days? Or why a bottle of Johnson Johnson baby oil simply says “fragrum” as one of the ingredients, while conveniently leaving out the hundreds of ingredients that make up that fragrance? This documentary was eye-opening to the several different chemicals we willingly place on, in, and around our bodies. Very insightful doc.
Christ in You (2017)
If you read the book of Acts, you will see divine interruptions and interactions in every single chapter except one. You see angels majestically showing up, people getting healed left and right, and dreams and visions coming true. Why don’t we see that too often now? Or rather, why don’t we readily discuss such events, if experienced? Westernized Christian culture often boxes the magnitude of God’s power by fitting it into certain frameworks that can make the book of Acts appear foreign. But this documentary reveals that God is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Give it a chance, because this documentary gets better and better beginning halfway through.(P.S. if you happen to enjoy this documentary, you might also like the Father of Lights and Furious Love.)
A Suitable Girl (2018)
So I really enjoy seeing the plights and thoughts of women from different cultures. It’s amazing to see how I can relate to a woman halfway across the world and share similar feeling. This documentary follows 3 women in India who are navigating marriage. It details the pressures to find a partner, the woes of leaving one’s own family, and it challenges the view that marriage is ultimately meant to make one happy.
Mr. Church (2016)
My husband and I watched this movie after my brother-in-love suggested it! I was shocked by how much I enjoyed it. I don’t want to give away the movie by talking about it too much--so don’t watch the trailer and just watch the first 15 minutes to see if you like it. Like, really don’t watch the trailer because it gives away the entire movie. I appreciated the writing, the acting, and how relatively clean of a movie it was.
The Bleeding Edge (2018)
Knee replacement. Metal coil birth control. These both have a lot more in common than you think. As we increase in the usage of medical devices, so do the risks. This documentary details some things to consider before having a device or object inserted into your body for life. I stumbled across this documentary one night and literally couldn’t stop watching. It received a score of 100% on Rotten Tomatoes if that doesn’t say enough.
Creepy Line (2018)
The notion that someone is always spying on us and watching us through our coveted technology is not a far-fetched idea. This documentary details the complex thinking behind the newest and latest gadgets that we often flock to. The documentary is clearly one-sided. But best believe, I have changed my settings in my phone and will continue to cover my laptop cameras.
Living Proof (2018)
I’m really into learning more about incurable diseases and nonconventional approaches to treat them. Well, this documentary takes on a different approach to treating those living with multiple sclerosis (MS)- a debilitating and progressive disease that causes one’s body to basically attack its own central nervous system. The corruption seen in conventional treatments for this disease is scary. Regardless of your stance, you ’ll admire the evident passion and conviction that Matt Embry exudes, despite the costs he had to endure to make this documentary.
Wonder (2017)
This is a fantastic family-friendly film to watch with anyone. The main character, Auggie, is a young boy who has facial differences due to a genetic disorder. Auggie enters into the 5th grade after being home-schooled all of his life. He faces the challenges that you’d expect from having this disorder and from entering middle school for the first time. But what I enjoyed most about this film is that it allows you to view the main character beyond a “victim” portrayal. Auggie is much more than his condition. You see his wit, his humor, his emotions. But more than that, you see how this one condition affects his entire family--some good some bad. Very well-written and directed film. (And it wasn’t cheesy!)
If you happen to watch any of these films, please let me know by commenting below! I really would like to know your thoughts.
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That time I discovered Jesus came through a prostitute: Do you know what this means?
The implications of understanding are highly underestimated. Jesus understands why you’re not trusting Him right now..why you just shutdown after hearing that comment…what led you to that particular inner struggle in your life. His understanding doesn’t excuse nor justify your sin. But He understands…and He forgives.
Have you ever read Matthew 1?
One day I was reading Matthew 1 when our baby went down for a midday nap on my chest (because he wouldn’t let me lay him down in his bed).
I grabbed my Bible and managed to sneak a pen in my hand to read Matthew 1. Then I asked the Lord to give me a rich revelation and to do so quickly before the baby woke up. I didn’t want just to read words. I needed revelation. What I found astounded me!
Go ahead. Take a chance to stop and read it real quick.
You know you have the time.
You’re probably already distracted from doing whatever else.
I’ll wait.
Did you see it? Did you notice that Matthew 1 lists only five women by name in Jesus’ genealogy? Four take particular interest to me. I’ll tell you why.
Within these four listed female names, you might find, what others have labeled, the following: a Fornicator, a gentile, a prostitute, and an adulterer. Before you stop and mentally check out for whatever reason, read until the end. Trust me.
Tamar committed fornication by having sexual relations with her father-in-law.
Rahab was a prostitute.
Ruth was an outsider and pagan by blood. Her very people were birthed out of incest and were enemies of the Israelites (i.e., hired a man named Balaam to curse the Israelites.)
Bathsheba committed adultery against her husband. Then her lover, King David, had her husband killed.
Do you see the descriptions that I listed for each woman? You may still wonder why I take such interest in each of these women. It’s because when you take the opportunity to stop and truly study the stories of these women, you’ll discover that the previous descriptions listed above are either not true or only scratch the surface to the telling of their story. Gasp, I know.
I’ll show you how.
Let’s begin.
Tamar, the fornicator: Tamar was a young girl who married the eldest son of Judah, Er. Unfortunately, Er was killed by God due to his wicked acts committed against God. Therefore, by law (Deuteronomy 25:5). Tamar married the second eldest son of Judah, Onan. Well, Onan died as well because he refused to bear children with Tamar. Why? Because Onan knew that if Tamar were to become pregnant, their first child would have to be dedicated to his deceased brother (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). Therefore, every time he and Tamar were intimate, Onan would make sure that his seed was wasted. Well, in judgment for this wicked act, the Lord caused him to die too. So then Tamar was left to marry the third and final son of Judah, Shelah. But by this time Judah, and just about everyone else, thought Tamar was cursed. Judah basically told Tamar that he’d give his youngest son to her in marriage under one condition. She needed to wait for him to get older first.
Judah’s youngest son got older and guess what?! Judah didn’t fulfill his promise. Keep in mind, a female widow, with no children, held no income and no future security because of her lack of offspring. So what is a widow, who has no children, and who is seen as cursed to do? Tamar took matters into her own hands.
One day, Tamar dressed as a prostitute and met Judah while he was on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep. Judah saw a woman dressed as a prostitute, but he didn’t know that this woman was Tamar, his daughter-in-law. Judah stopped and paid to sleep with her. Tamar immediately became pregnant with twins. The story gets even more interesting. But before I continue, what do you think? Was Tamar a fornicator, a strategist, a survivalist, or a conniver? It’s worth thinking about. For now, let’s move on.
Rahab, the prostitute: Rahab was a prostitute in the city of Jericho, a city known for worshiping other gods. Despite the fact that the people of Jericho were known for their unbelief and disloyalty to the God of the Hebrews, Rahab became known for her faith in the God of the Hebrews. How? After hearing about God’s wondrous acts done in Egypt, when setting the Israelites free, Rahab believed that the God of the Hebrews was the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Therefore, Rahab gladly hid two Israelite spies when these two came to spy out her native land, Jericho.
Ruth, pagan by blood: Ruth was a Moabite whose family lineage was questionable from the start. Do you know how the lineage of the Moabites began? Here’s the story. A man named Lot had two daughters. One night one of his daughters got Lot (her father) drunk and had sexual intercourse with him and became pregnant. Lot’s son/grandson was named Moab. Ruth’s very lineage was birthed out of incest. The Moabites went on to became longtime enemies to the Israelites.
Bathsheba, the mistress and adulterer: Bathsheba was spotted by David while she was bathing naked one day. David immediately ordered to have Bathsheba taken to his bedroom where he laid with her. She then became pregnant. He then conspired to have her husband killed and later married her. In David’s ploy to have Bathsheba’s husband killed, he sent her husband (and others) to the front lines of a battle. Bathsheba’s husband wasn’t the only one intentionally murdered by David that day. Other husbands were consequently murdered too. Bathsheba became known as an adulteress and one responsible for the deaths of other husbands.
Whew. Talk about a history crash course. Now, why did I find it necessary to share these stories? It’s because each of these women is a part of the bloodline of Jesus Christ the Messiah. Yes, Jesus came through each of these women’s lineages.
But when I first read Matthew 1 that day, I wondered why the Lord would name these four particular women. I mean, there are several other women that He could’ve named that were a part of His lineage. And I can’t help but wonder why these four names were explicitly mentioned.
Is it to show us how He loved these women, with their messed up lives and all? To show that if a Holy God could choose them that He can also choose us?
This is the narrative I often hear and grew up hearing. But I think there’s more to this passage.
I’ve literally been sitting on these thoughts for the past 6-7 weeks.
And for that reason, I’ve been looking at each of these ladies’ stories a little bit more closely. In doing so, I’m beginning to realize that these women were affected by circumstances in which they had absolutely no control over. While the world defined them by these circumstances (fornicator, prostitute, pagan ancestry, adulteress), Jesus redefined them despite these circumstances. I think this is the message here.
It’s as if the Lord is saying in my head,
“Any person can give you a label after witnessing one act committed by you, without knowing the full story. But I defy labels. I not only can forgive but I also have the power of understanding..understanding how you did what you did, are who you are, and came to be affected by that which was out of your control. I forgive you Jessica, and I understand.
I understand what led you to that particular inner struggle in your life. I understand why you lashed out at that moment. I understand why you just shut down when your husband said that statement. I understand why you are not trusting me right now. I understand why you have that insecurity and are not trusting in the identity that I gave to you. No, my understanding doesn’t excuse nor justify your sin. But I understand and I forgive.”
You could easily look at Tamar and judge her for sleeping with her father-in-law. But once Judah discovered that he slept with his daughter-in-law, Judah is even quoted saying, “She is more righteous than I since I wouldn't give her to my son Shelah (Genesis 38:26)." Judah and Tamar married, as odd as that sounds, but Judah did not sleep with her again. Jesus chose to come through the lineage of one of their twin sons.
You could easily look at Rahab with a downcast nose due to her work. But have you ever wondered how Rahab became a prostitute? Was she sold by her family at a young age to become a temple prostitute? Was she plagued with the thought of how to get out of prostitution but couldn’t? Did Rahab have a choice in the matter? Was this prostitution or was this sex trafficking... or is the difference so slight that it really doesn’t matter deciphering the distinction?
And have you ever considered the fact that if it weren’t for Rahab’s faith, we wouldn’t have had the beautiful story of Ruth? Did you know that Ruth went on to marry Rahab’s son, Boaz, and eventually through Boaz’s lineage came King David? Recall, Ruth wasn’t responsible for the birth of her lineage, the Moabites, and yet she was forever associated with it. Despite such, the Lord divinely planned for her to marry a wealthy Israelite and chose to come through her “pagan” blood.
Lastly, you could easily look at Bathsheba and cast her off as a gold digger or adulterer when she was neither. She was raped, forced to endure the death of her husband, forced to marry King David, forced to endure the death of her first son due to David’s sin. And yet, the Lord chose for her to give birth to King Solomon (despite David’s sin), the richest and wisest King to have ever lived.
I believe one of the reasons the Lord explicitly listed these women in Matthew 1 was to demonstrate how He eludes labels, judgments, boxes, and given identities. I don’t think the Lord chose the birth of Jesus to be associated with any of these women because He felt sorry for them. I believe He chose them because He understood their story. He understood their pain. He understood their struggles, as only He is able to do. And in light of all of that--He still chose them.
What I love about each of these women, is that the world placed one title on them, as we still do today, but the Lord hadn’t. Often, the very titles you allow others to pen on you, you inadvertently put on yourself. But the same ones who placed those titles on you don’t even know your full story, whereas God does.
PonderedThought: It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s full story-even your own. In doing so, you will be less likely to run to labels to define others and yourself. I challenge you to look more closely at certain people in the bible. or even in your own life, and to seek understanding behind certain actions that you witness.
(I’m well aware that this blog post is already long enough, but I need to continue my next line of thought as well.)
I bet if you were to seek understanding, you’ll also find it easier to forgive as well. Next time, you run into a pattern of judging someone or even withholding forgiveness, seek to understand why they did what they did, are who they are, or said what they said. Not in the motivation of justifying inexcusable behavior, but rather, in the hopes of ultimately forgiving.
For instance, it’s easier for me to forgive that student in the classroom, who lashes out, when I discover that she lashes out because she’s desperate for attention; and when she gets home, the taste for love will grow more parched with each passing day. It’s easier for me to forgive that clerk who was rude to me when I come to understand that she does this as a self-defense mechanism when she feels threatened, further exposing a deeper insecurity of being ashamed of not knowing the answer to a simple question asked by a customer. You get the point. Forgiveness is easier (notice the “ier” part) when it is coupled with understanding.
Lately, the Holy Spirit has been leading me to do this, and it has made all the difference. I believe this is what the Lord wanted me to see that day when I read Matthew 1. It’s important to understand and to recognize a person’s story.
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By fighting difficult seasons, I've come to resent difficulties. Through resentment, I can become bitter. And in bitterness, I consciously or unconsciously turn and blame God when I’ve had enough.
Sometimes I look at my life and think, “Wow, I really like this season that I’m in right now.”
Just as suddenly, I resolve to do everything in my power to maintain the temporal in order to embrace comfortability. I absolutely love seasons of comfort, peace, rest, and fruitfulness. And I fear seasons of turmoil, death, and fruitlessness. Therefore when the latter occurs, I feel off balance and frantically seek “realignment” through seeking a particular circumstance... rather than seeking what lies in eternity, which is Christ.
When I’m in a state of constantly seeking favorable circumstances, every precious moment is clouded by shuddering thoughts.
When my mom gives me insightful advice on motherhood and interacts with her grandson (my son), I wonder “What will I do if lose her?”
When I finish breastfeeding and see my little one clutch my shirt for more, I quietly pray, “Lord how will my heart handle it when he one day pushes me away?”
When my husband and I share a season of sweet intimacy, I can’t help but wonder when it’ll end.
On the flip side, when I find myself in unfavorable circumstances, my first response is simply,
“Get me out!!! Let it end. I can’t take it.”
And I’ll do whatever it takes to AVOID situations where I must persevere.
By fighting difficult seasons, we come to resent difficulties. Through resentment we become bitter. And in bitterness, we consciously or unconsciously turn and blame God when we’ve had enough.
I believe myself and many Millennials find ourselves more depressed, confused, and empty due to seeking permanent comfort and security. Most times, we place unfair expectations on our futures by doing all the “right things” with the motivation of avoiding difficult seasons.
I don’t mean to jump on the bandwagon of so many by beating up my generation and the generation after by shaking my head and waving my finger while lip-syncing to the song of “This generation...I just don’t know.” But when I hear...
I need to go ahead and marry because I’m tired of feeling lonely.
I need to have a child because I want someone to love me.
I need a good paying job to avoid awkward pauses at social outings when others ask, “So what do you do for a living?”
I need to quit my current job because my manager is…just too much.
I always need to go out to avoid the emptiness that weighs on me when inside my dorm/apartment alone.
I need to helicopter my kid because I want to avoid all the things that I fear most when not being in control.
I need to divorce because I don’t love him/her anymore.
"Girl, as long as you're happy," is not the answer.
Be careful in exchanging eternal refinement, by shortcutting difficult seasons, for fleeting gratifications (above all else).
I really don’t mean to sound insensitive, but avoiding difficult seasons is not the answer. Seeking Christ and abiding in His peace is.
John 16: 33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
So you may be wondering, "Yeah, I get it. But realistically, when I'm praying, I'm not about to be thanking God for whatever unwelcomed circumstance I find myself in. Let's be real."
Hmmmmm...So before you check out on me, let me provide you with some context. All of these thoughts came about when reflecting on what the Lord shared with me 2 years ago (before pregnancy). He revealed to me that He was about to take me into a season of perseverance.
Naively, I was like “Alright, I’m ready!” In my head, I equated perseverance to the idea of running a marathon and allowing the Lord to get me into shape spiritually. I was excited about the idea. Nevermind potential leg cramps, dehydration, and muscle soreness that could ensue. Bring on the cute bod!
But a year later, I thought of what the Lord said while taking care of my son (4 months old at the time). After feeling good that I’d finally garnered somewhat of a schedule with him, there came a poop explosion, pee that somehow made it outside of his diaper, a perfectly made smoothie that somehow fell off the TV tray and splattered across our newly painted gray walls, a broken glass that shattered to pieces in the process, and a date night delayed (at a time when my husband and I really needed time to connect.)
Long story short…perseverance my butt. Perseverance didn't look so appealing.
But then, I thought of……
My grandfather, who was a principal and was fired from his position when integration reached Booneville, MS. He never was a principal again.
My grandmothers, who each raised four children in the midst of racial tensions while living in Mississippi during the 1950s.
My father, who was denied his dental license in MS (racially motivated) and was forced to move my mom and my newborn sister to Tennessee.
My mom who somehow worked full time and still helped to raise 4 kids.
And my female ancestors who somehow endured pregnancy, labor, motherhood, and family separation while living under the barbaric system of slavery in America.
How did they all keep living day-to-day...when I complain about mopping the floors?
In seeking favorable circumstances, my and many others’ current prayer requests read like this: "Can you tell God to fix this situation...NOW?”
I’ll still be praying this, by the way. But this prayer request ought to be coupled with the following:
“And if He doesn’t, can you ask Him to find me faithful even through this circumstance?”
Find me faithful.
Where do we see this modeled in the Bible?
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were 3 young men who were about to be thrown into a blazing hot fire for not worshiping an idol. Here’s their response:
“17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.””
Did you hear what they just said?
They have faith that God can change the circumstance.
But even if He doesn’t, they say, “I’ma be found faithful!”
I challenge you to continue praying for various circumstances to change in your life. But I dare you to utter the prayer, “Lord even if you don’t, help me to be found faithful today.”
PonderedThought: Instead of seeking easy seasons of life, yes, pray that a particular circumstance might change. But also surrender and pray that the Lord might find you faithful no matter what He chooses to do in your current situation. This can only occur through the grace of God. Remember, comfort is not the goal. You being faithful and in a disposition of surrender ought to be. This life is so short. And if you’re saved, before you know it, you’ll be living in eternity.
Post inspired by the following song by David Helser and interview by Priscilla Shirer.
Verses to help you surrender to this notion:
1. Lord, get me out of this situation because what if this happens….and then this…. which will inevitably lead to this….
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
2. Lord, I can’t keep going at this pace. Thank you for the grace offered today, but what about tomorrow?
Psalm 46:1 “I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
3. Thank you for still providing for us when I didn’t have a job, or when my husband didn’t have a job, or when we didn’t know where our next check was going to come from. But I don't feel like going through that again. Can’t we just seek security by remaining where we are? I don’t feel like following You if it means taking a risk again.
Luke 12:22-26 “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”.
4. I know you helped me this time by helping me to not go completely off on my co-worker, husband, child, sibling, parent...but what about next time? Cause that last time just about took everything out of me to not...
Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”