Our Miracle Birth Experience: Part 4

Evan and I looked at each other. I mildly conceded to receive the epidural, because I couldn’t think of another solution. All I knew was that I couldn’t endure the pitocin naturally. With that, the nurses prepared the way for the epidural. The only thing I didn’t think about beforehand was that, in order to receive the epidural, I would have to sit on the edge of the bed, without moving in the least bit, while doctors administered a large needle into my back. I already couldn't sit down during a contraction. So when they said that I would have to sit still as well, I didn’t know how that was going to happen. But GOD!

One of the doctors was really taken by the worship music playing in the background and came and squatted down in front of me and made distracting conversation while the other doctor inserted the needle into my back. With that, the pain subsided. Within an hour, the notches of intense pain went down. Although I could still feel the contractions and feel the baby pressing down against my back, it was still much better. By 6:00PM, I dilated to 8 cm. At this rate, I saw that I really wasn’t in control of creating this birth experience. Again, nothing was going according to plan lol.

By 7:00PM, I hadn’t dilated any further. Unfortunately, the midwife said that if my contractions didn’t increase with greater intensity, I may have to consider other options. This was a subtle way of her stating that I may have to get a c-section, considering the risk of infection now that my water was broken. I was so tired and hungry at this point that I just wanted things to be over. Unfortunately, “being over” in my mind did not result in the beauty of seeing baby Evan Jr. Instead, it resulted in me being able to sleep and eat. I never thought that I’d have such a permeating thought throughout my birth experience. 

By 8:00PM, the baby began moving down further into my birth canal and I was 8.5 cm dilated. By 8:50 PM, I was 10cm dilated and ready to push! This excited everyone in the room because the end was near. I started pushing with all my might! Thankfully, I didn’t have to just push on my back but was allowed to take on more dynamic movements (i.e. being on all fours on the bed, being on my side, using a bar and towel to push). With each push, everyone in the room yelled in support that I was almost there! However by 10:00PM, I became annoyed in hearing “almost there” when it had been over an hour and well...we weren’t there. 

By 11:00PM, I began to think, “can you just reach in and grab him??” But despite my less than optimistic thoughts, by 11:35PM, baby Evan Jr.’s head pushed through! They immediately placed him on my chest. The first thing that captivated me the most was his smell. He smelled so different. So much like real flesh. Then his cry stole my heart as the reality settled in that this was a real living human being. His cry was so piercing and yet so cute. I couldn't believe that this human being was pulled from my womb. Actually, this thought still boggles my mind. 

Minutes later we realized why my labor took so long. Little fella was 9lbs and 2 oz and was positioned occipito-posterior (facing stomach instead of back). And guess what? By the grace of God, I had no tearing, stiches, nor episiotomy! You can't tell me that that wasn't all grace.

A couple of things I would do again/or simply do next time: 

1. Acquire knowledge but rely on prayer throughout pregnancy. -The best advice given to me was to make a list of everything I'm believing God to do during pregnancy and to pray over that list constantly (ex. healthy baby, good supply of breast milk, peaceful family relations, etc.) 

2. Read Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize,  and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

3. Have a midwife and doula --Their support went beyond any medical experience I've ever had.

4. Drink nettle tea throughout pregnancy, raspberry tea throughout third trimester, and eat dates especially in your third trimester. These tips will help with decreasing the likelihood of tearing, will prepare womb for delivery, and can even decrease labor and delivery time. . 

5.  Do gentle yoga during third trimester to open up hips and to build pelvic floor muscles 

6. Book a photographer to capture the moments of labor and delivery. Everything was such a blur and these pictures really helped to capture the moment. 

Our Miracle Birth Experience: Part 3

Once the pitocin got into my system, oh boy did things kick into gear. Pitocin is a drug that acts a a synthetic hormone to Oxycontin, which helps the uterus to contract. Therefore, my contractions quickly intensified to another degree. Throughout the next four hours, the amount of pitocin that I received increased intermittently, as well as the intensity of my contractions. The contractions were so painful that I thought I was going to pass out. Each and every time I contracted, Evan was right there. When the onset of a contraction would come, I’d reach for Evan and ask, “Can I do this?” And he’d respond, “Yes, you got this. Let’s go!”

After that, I would stare at him, breathing unusually, until the contraction ended, and then I’d slump back down to wherever I was. At one point during a contraction, I gripped the insides of Evan’s arms so tightly that I thought I penetrated his skin with the grip of my nails. In that moment, Evan cringed with masked pain and stated, “Yep, I can take it! Come on!”

His support and gangster-like grit encouraged me.

Midway through the administration of pitocin, my mom walked in (mic drop). Guys, I had no clue that my mother and father had immediately hit the road to make the 8-hour trek to Chicago upon receiving notice that I’d been admitted to the hospital. Seeing my mom walk into the labor room made me cry unexpectedly. The pitocin caused the contractions to be so strong that when I wasn’t contracting, I looked like I had passed out. My mom immediately started crying when seeing me in such a weakened physical state.

In the room, I had my close friend, my husband, my mom, my doula, and the world's best photographer (Whitney Marner). I couldn’t have asked for better support.

By 1:15pm, I made up in my mind that I had endured my last contraction on pitocin. As if no one else was in the room, I looked at Evan and said, “I’m done Evan. I can’t do this anymore.”

I looked at the nurses and told them to get me off of the pitocin. I kept repeating over and over, “Get me off this pitocin. I can’t do this anymore.”

The midwife relayed the benefits of remaining on pitocin, considering that my contractions were still irregular. Looking back in hindsight, baby boy was simply trying to get in the right position before coming out. I wish someone had told me this and given me further insight into what positions to do to help baby boy engage in the right position. Hence, why my contractions were so irregular.

After 4 hours on pitocin, my contractions were intense but were still coming every 8-12 minutes. Things weren't progressing as expected. The midwife gave me other options in order to handle the pain—an epidural being one of them.

I was in such a state of delusion that I just looked at Evan and said, “You decide. All I know is that I can’t keep going on like this.” Evan reminded me of all the past times that I reminded him of just how much I didn’t want an epidural. Yada-yada-yada. All I knew was that I just wanted to get off of the pitocin. At the same time, I didn't want to be in labor for days. While trying to decide my options, I unexpectedly threw up several times. My body, which was already weak, became that much more feeble.

With the decision left unmade, the nurses and midwife stepped out of the room so that Evan and I could decide whether or not I wanted to move forward with an epidural. By this time, I “accidentally” snatched the IV out of my arm so that I was receiving no more pitocin.

Evan and I came to the conclusion to get the epidural. I knew that I couldn’t endure anymore more hours/days of labor—which looked likely without the pitocin (Did I tell you that I still hadn’t dilated any further in the four hours of laboring with pitocin? And did I tell you that they ended up rupturing my membrane too—that is breaking my water—and that I still hadn’t dilated any further by 1:15PM?)  In my head, I just wanted to eat lol. I kept thinking, “Can we just take an hour break to let me eat, nap, and then get back to it later?” But I guess labor doesn’t work like that? Or maybe it does, under different circumstances. Well, back to the story.

Our Miracle Birth Experience: Part 2

I thought laying down was a difficult position to be in when enduring a contraction, but doing so in a moving car proved much more trying. As we neared the hospital, I screamed for Evan to pull over as soon as  I felt the next contraction. Evan pulled over... but he slowly inched along the side of the road.

“STOP... THE CAR!!!!” I roared from an inner place that I usually don’t let out.  I think the intensity of my yell, again, shocked me more than him.

Once entering the hospital, Evan and I had to stop a couple of times to allow the next contraction to pass before finally arriving at triage for labor and delivery. Thankfully, we were taken back immediately where I was seen by my midwife. My midwife quickly checked to see how far along I was, and to my and Evan’s surprise, I was already 6 cm dilated. I knew I wasn’t just being a baby. I was officially in active labor!

With that, Evan and I packed up our belongings and transitioned from triage to the labor room. Y’all, by this time, I was willing to do whatever it took to get this baby to come. I geared up mentally as if I were in the NFL about to go out on the field on super bowl Sunday. Once in the labor room, I changed into my gown, put my favorite flip flops on, and then headed out to the hallways to walk/squat in order to endure the remainder of the contractions.

After two hours of Evan and I walking the hallways and me squating at each onset of a contraction, he and I  went back to the labor room. I then stepped into the labor tub (which felt SOOOO good!) . But I guess I felt too relaxed because my contractions completely stopped for a period of time. As a result, I jumped out of the tub and headed back out to the hallways for another set of squats.

 From midnight until 9:00AM Friday morning, despite my efforts, I only increased in dilation by 1 centimeter. The midwives gave me the option to either rupture my membranes (i.e. break my water for me) or to get on pitocin. These options were given after being warned  that I could be in labor for days at the rate that I was going. With no food since admittance to the hospital, I was deadbeat tired and working on a lack of sleep from the last 3 nights.

After hearing that I had only dilated by 1 more cm, I broke down into tears. No, it wasn't like a tear hear and there. I let the flood gates open. I felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually depleted. I had been trying to be strong all the way up until this point, and to be honest, it wasn’t the pain that broke me, but it was the lack of knowing when the end would draw near, and whether or not I could make it to that end, that left me discouraged and frustrated. My tears flowed into gentle sobbing as I fell over into Evan’s chest.

I looked at my good friend and asked if she could read scripture over me. The words that left her mouth were so refreshing to hear, but if I can be honest, I felt so far from the Lord. Up until this point, I hadn’t been in prayer throughout labor. And to be honest, I just wanted to use my own willpower to push this baby out. But despite all of the books I’d read, all of the supposed preparation I’d done, all of the knowledge I’d gathered, nothing was working. Nothing was going according to “my” plan.  

Evan and I prayed regarding whether to get the pitocin or to have the midwife rupture my membranes. We sensed the Holy Spirit's leading and decided to get the pitocin administered. While the nurses prepared to place an IV into my arm, Evan confided in me that the Lord spoke to him Proverbs 3:5-6,

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thine ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths.”

Up until that point, I had been leaning on my own understanding.

This labor was already showing me just how weak I was and that I couldn’t just will myself to push this baby out.

God was in control. Yes, I was about to have this baby, but even more so, looking back, the Lord was also teaching me a lesson about Himself and about me. He was humbling me and showing me that He desired for me to trust in His power and Sovereignty rather than leaning on my own strength and knowledge. I’ve asked the Lord several times since then how to do both. That is, how can I be a lover of knowledge and simultaneously lean on the Holy Spirit?

Since then, He’s taught me that there is a difference between being a lover of knowledge, and being one who places her hope in knowledge. He wants me to acquire knowledge as much as possible, but He also wants me to be weary of placing my hope in it.

Our Miracle Birth Experience

For the 4th time, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. But this time was different. After several weeks of praying “when?”, I  finally heard a subtle hint. As I walked to the restroom, God let me know, in His own way, that my labor would start on that Wednesday. Therefore, on Tuesday night, I waited in anticipation for our newest arrival. I figured labor would be quick and easy and that the baby would be arriving within hours. Oh, what an assumption!

Around 11:30 PM on Tuesday night, I suddenly woke up in discomfort. It felt like something was sliding down my birth canal.  I didn’t think it felt like a contraction. Instead, I thought that it was simply an uncomfortable sleeping position that I found myself in.  However, after laying back down for another 30 minutes, I woke up again in discomfort. This time, I got up to use the restroom. I soon discovered that my mucus plug had fallen out. How I wish you could've seen my excitement! While in the restroom, I sent a quick text to one of my best friends to begin praying. I subtly alluded to her that I was in the beginnings of labor. I then took my birthing ball to the living room and began attempting to open up my hips, while distracting myself with a documentary on the history channel. After about an hour of doing that, my adrenaline kicked in when considering that I could potentially see our son in the coming hours. I really wanted to get labor going. By this time, my husband had awakened and his face was priceless when seeing me in the living room bouncing on a birthing ball at 1 AM in the morning. I didn’t want to wake him, because I figured that he would need all the rest he could get in case I was actually in labor.

“I think we should climb stairs,”  I said in response to his contemplative expression. 

After little convincing, regarding the benefits of climbing stairs to kick-start labor, Evan put his tennis shoes on. I think Evan's sudden sense of urgency had less to do with wanting to start labor and more to do with not wanting to hear another wave of incessant convincing proceeding from my lips. With that, Evan and I went to the lower level of our condominium and climbed 19 flights of stairs. Sounds crazy, I know, but didn't I tell you that I was running on adrenaline with the thought that we could soon be seeing our son?!

While climbing stairs, I soon realized that the discomfort that I was feeling earlier were actually subtle contractions. I came to this realization after seeing that the discomfort only came every 10-15 minutes. Well by 2:00 AM, after climbing 19 flights of stairs, Evan and I went back to sleep. With each contraction, I woke up to record the duration of the contraction on my app “contractions.” By 6:00 AM, the contractions were still 10-15 minutes apart. Because I was still running on adrenaline, I woke up, cleaned up, showered, shaved my legs (yes, I wanted to look like a woman during labor), and placed our suitcases by the door. By 7:00 AM, I woke up Evan and asked him to take me to Whole Foods, which was right down the street, for my last meal before heading to the hospital (so I thought). With that, we left for Whole Foods with our suitcases, stroller, and car seat in tow.

At Whole Foods I purchased my favorite frozen pizza (yasssss Table 5 cornmeal crust pizza) and purple grapes. I’d been planning for weeks to eat this before heading to the hospital, where I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat once I was admitted.  Well after returning home and consuming my last supper, by 12:00 PM, the contractions were growing more intense. Yet, they were still 10-15 minutes apart. By late afternoon, my contractions had stopped all together and didn’t resume until later that evening. This birth experience was already not going according to plan.

By Wednesday night, the contractions started back up again. This time, they were consistently 10 minutes apart and much more intense. Around 5:30 AM on Thursday morning, Evan and I took several laps in the lobby of our condominium and climbed a few stairs. I hadn’t gotten much sleep from the night before, and by this time, I just wanted our  baby to come. As the day progressed, my contractions didn’t cease but remained steady by being 10 minutes apart.

Let me pause by stating that at this point, the contractions were...painful but NOT unbearable. When they’d come, I would pause, concentrate, and breathe/moan throughout them. I would become so irritated if Evan asked me any questions or made any noise/comments when I was contracting. It was as if I needed all the concentration to focus throughout each wave of intensity.

Okay back to the order of events. As Thursday morning went on, I became accustomed to hearing my own moans every 10 minutes. With each contraction, I told myself the baby was that much closer to being seen. But by 3:00 PM on Thursday afternoon, I had had enough. I was riding  in the car with Evan, after letting him know, pretty sternly, that I needed some Nana Moo coconut milk ice cream from Mariano’s... because Whole Foods, which was around the corner, didn’t have the flavor that I wanted. So there we were, driving to the store. After purchasing it, we called the midwife. What I wanted to say to the midwife was,

“I’m in pain! I’m ready to have this baby. Be ready cause we about to show up at this hospital!”

But, I didn’t.

Instead, I politely answered the coming questions.

“No, my contractions aren’t 3-5 minutes apart. No, my water hasn’t broken. (And no, I don’'t want to just wait it out!).”

We weren’t going to the hospital after all. Because I requested to have a natural labor, my midwives suggested that I labor at home as long as possible until I was in active labor (which supposedly would occur when contractions were 3-5 minutes apart).

So after leaving the store, Evan and I headed back home. By 4:30 PM, my friend came over to help me do some more walking in order to hopefully get labor going. We walked...and walked..and walked. Every 8-12 minutes, we’d pause, I’d  lean against the wall, and inwardly yelp.

By 6:00pm, my contractions were still just as intense but not consistent.

By 8:00PM, while watching a movie with my friend and her husband who were keeping us company, I let Evan know that I wanted to go to the hospital. Because I was planning on having the baby naturally, we knew that this didn’t make much sense considering our plan was to only go to the hospital once I began active labor (i.e. at least 6 cm dilated) so that I wouldn’t be laboring at the hospital for so long.  Despite these reminders, I wanted to go to the hospital right then.  

Evan, using his better judgment, suggested that we wait a couple of hours to see what would happen. Well around 10:30 PM I went to bed. Actually, I pulled out a sleeping bag to sleep on the floor, because at this point, I needed to be able to lift myself up easily whenever a contraction came. But upon laying down and enduring the next contraction, I yelled with so much intensity that I shocked myself. (There's something about laying down, versus sitting up/walking during a contraction, that made contractions worse) I ran to the restroom and yelled for Evan. With the next contraction, I told Evan to take me to the hospital. I’m not usually so forceful (well, during pregnancy, such force would come about when a craving overcame me, hence the scenario with the NanaMoo ice cream) but I got up, grabbed my coat, my keys, my phone, and headed towards the door. I wasn't playing lol. Thankfully, our friends were still over. My best friend and her husband had actually decided to spend the night, just in case something like this were to happen. I’m so happy they did, because my friend’s support proved most pivotal in the coming hours!!

We called the midwife, and after letting us aware of our options, the midwife left it up to us to decide whether we wanted go to the hospital. My mind was made up. And thankfully, Evan didn’t object (I didn’t leave him much of a choice). Therefore, we all rushed to the hospital.